Dear Jennifer Aniston,
Girl, I've been watching HBO's new show "The Leftovers" and we need to have a conversation about your man.
I mean, just look at him bein' all flirty with me in that dashing uniform....
And being all kinds of adorable and sexy on that bike....
Not to mention how he wears. that. suit.
You know what that raised eyebrow means? It means "Sorry, Jen. AJ needs me."
And I do. I really do.
Look. I like you, Jennifer Aniston. I do. Despite his charm, do-gooding and melt-my-underwear smile, when Brad left you for that vixen Angelina, I was totally on #TeamJen. But now, it's just that I find myself in Angie's shoes. With a lady-boner for your guy. I'm sorry -- it was inevitable. Even as a ridiculous bad boy in the Charlie's Angels sequel, I wanted to lick his abs.
So there it is. My apology to you, Jennifer. But I'm just gonna have to steal your man.
But you'll be okay. Take comfort in your Smart Water endorsement deal and sensational taste in designer duds and be strong.
We're here for you in this time of my need.