CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Nothing But Love Today

When I logged into Facebook this morning and my feed looked like this (see below), I knew that:

1. I picked the right friends
2. I love them even more than I did yesterday
3. This has to happen
4. I will be heartbroken for all of us if it doesn't

I'm not under any illusion that the Supreme Court is sitting there with social media at the ready, just waiting for hundreds of profile photos to make up their minds. I only wish to join my community in supporting civil rights. I want to show my love and support to friends and family whose future paths are about to be laid out.

For Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest, here is the image of the day:

And here is only a snippet of what my Facebook feed looks like.

P.S. One of my friends posted it. It wins the day:

Everything I Need to Know About Friendship I Learned From... The Golden Girls?

The Golden Girls remains hugely popular in syndication -- it airs on four cable networks. Betty White has been all but granted Sainthood at this point as the sole surviving Golden Girl. 

And I love them. I watch the reruns often and even though I know every single episode disturbingly well, I still laugh and enjoy it. 

So I thought I would bring them to you. I was randomly inspired to write and compile this because a friend told me The Golden Girls are coming to LOGO. 

 

1. They will be there to encourage you when you're hesitant.

 

 

2. They will be the Sonny to your Cher. Sometimes literally.

3. Your friends will never wear the same outfit as you.

 

4. But they will also tell you when your outfit isn't quite right.

 

 

5. Your friends will teach you about the facts of life.

 

 

6. They will sing and celebrate with you.

 

 

7. Your friendsw will  really have your back in the most embarassing of moments.

8. And they'll listen to your long, stupid stories even when they don't want to... Most of the time.

  

 

9. Your friends won't judge you when you're sleep deprived and delerious.

 

 

10. Lean on your friends when you're sick - they will bring you comfort and as a special treat, cheat a classy restraurant out of expensive champagne.

 

 

WHEN IN DOUBT: CHEESECAKE!

A Very Happy & Healthy Birthday to Yours Truly

So I turned 32. And luckily, I was too busy, stressed out and crazed to care. Last year, I was pretty traumatized by entering my thirties. Actually turning 30 held no power over me, but somehow, 31 was like this asshole looming on the horizon.

And now I am 32. Which, really, feel no older than 31. And like I said, no feeling about it. 

But as I continue to remind you lovely, patient readers, I had a pretty scary year and I felt the need to celebrate. But not just celebrate me and my day; what I really wanted to do was celebrate my frienships. 

So I thought to myself, "I should do something to toast to our continuing good health." And to that end, I threw a supremely health conscious festivity...

For example, I provided nutritious snacks:

See? There's fruit in there. 

And I also provided beverages rife with vitamins and valuable minerals:

Not only is there DIET soda, but as you can see, a fruit AND veggie option...

And of course, a calcium-rich main course, because it does your body good:

Here's to healthy bones!

I think my friends were really grateful for a new spin on Saturday night partying. 

250 Smiling Faces

I spent this Memorial Weekend with the teens I volunteer for at a local university campus for their annual, regional convention.

All I can think of now are numbers. For example:

4: Days the convention lasted.

250: Kids in attendance.

12: Grown ups present - my family; my laughter. 

1: Amazing roommate and cuddle buddy.

10: Beautiful girls present from my chapter. 

9: Hours of sleep accumulated. 

I can't begin to count how much I laughed, cried, loved, hugged, smiled... This was a truly fabulous weekend. Kudos to the kids who planned it. So young and so strong and smart. They blew me away. 

I continue to learn more from them than I could ever hope to teach in return.

 

Oh, Vegas, City of Sin

Had a GREAT time this past weekend with three of my girlfriends in Vegas. There was no focused celebration or reason to go other than we needed to escape California for a couple days and where better to do it?

The thing about Vegas is, for me, I feel liberated the second the car crosses the California/Nevada border. Maybe sooner. Maybe from the moment we hit the road and turned the Vegas mix on the iPod. There's nothing like a good music mix to get you in the mood. I am, as it happens, the master of the mix. I am totally "DJ Jazzy Jew."

Nothing annoys me more than play-by-play blogs so here are just some photo highlights and some fabulous quotes I took down over the weekend. (I was named the quote-book-keeper.) I bet you can tell which things were said under the influence and which were stated out of sheer genius...

It might help to know that by the end of the weekend, we'd all earned new nicknames. You'll pick up on that...

Deb: We never found sugar daddies…

Me: That's ok- we found Kristy the cocktail waitress!

 

 

Me: Wanna smell my foot? (As I pretty much put it right in front of her nose because I am disgusting)

Deb: Smells like vegas.

 

Deb: I'm gonna have some FRENCH TOAST (Imagine Leslie Mann in the 40 Year Old Virgin)

Frat boy passing by us to his buddy: Dude, I totally want french toast now.

Steph:  Dear lobster, by the time I finished eating you, I was hungry again.  Hugs n' kisses, Liberace

 

 

Me, after tasting Steph’s nasty mojito: Dude, my makeup remover has less alcohol than this. Shit, turpentine is more palatable.

 

Deb: Guys, I wanna have coke bottles in my hair by the end of this weekend

Me: I want a microwave burrito.

Deb: There are many subtle layers of HO. Crispy, extra crispy, or like some deep fried ho.

Deb: Omigod, it smells like Vegas. So gross. I love it.

Deb, upon seeing our beautiful room: It’s like Jesus lives here.

 

 
Deb, taking a swig of the Grand Lux strawberry martini: It burns on the way down.

Steph to well-dressed dudes: What are you guys in town for?

Deb: The convention of awesomeness.

 

Deb, to the taxi driver: What's your name?

Taxi driver: Daniel

Melissa: Daniel? That's my therapist’s name.

Taxi Driver: Maybe I could be your second therapist.

(seems like a good idea, no?)

Steph: Melissa I have something for you. It's a red flag.

Me: My Vegas is throbbing

Sam, new friend from the pool:  I date guys who take steroids because they hate themselves.

Me (via Facebook): Dear Vegas, Steph is drunk. I got a new hat. What up?

 

 

Deb: Melissa said “Drink, don't think.” Man, the rules get flipped in Vegas.