Dear guy I went out with on Saturday night,
What's up? Hope your surfing expedition on Sunday morning was a success. I really, really enjoyed hearing ALL about surfing on Saturday night, down to the cost of a good wetsuit, and how you like the drive to San diego and that Exxon station has the best priced gas for the mileage you get on your SUV. That was SUPER interesting to me.
But I digress. Other than saying hello, I just wanted to thank you for the date and give you some helpful feedback. I know the mind reels that you could still be single at age 42 (how has someone not snatched up this gem?) so I think with these helpful pointers, you might find yourself hitched up to Mrs. Right in no time.
The photo is key. I mean, we ALL online date these days so I gotta tell you, sending me a picture from a while back when you still had HAIR may not have been the BEST idea. It was a little shocking to show up and find you are balding. Hey, for the record? I got no issue with the balding man but I do have issues with fakers and liars. Also? 5'10" where I come from is 70 inches. Not 66. I'm a solid 5'7" and when you come up to my eyebrows at a supposed 5'10," you're either standing in a perpetual hole or living in denial (or lying but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt).
Oh! And the dinner.... well, when the waitress says mashed potatoes in liey of french fries cost a $1.25 extra, don't argue. It doesn't look right. And when you ask for extra mayo for your turkey burger, don't ask if it costs money. That's just tacky, honey. And speaking of tacky, making me pay my own way (down to the penny!) when the check came? Not good. Call me old fashioned, but on the first date, I best be eatin' for free, hombre.
I do appreciate you inviting me over to watch Michael Phelps do his final swim. On your HD, $2000 flat screen, that looked stupendous (though why did you tell me what the TV cost on sale?) and that Heinekn beer in a CAN was sho' tasty.
So thanks, Saturday-night-date-guy. It was... educational. I would say at least I got a free meal out of it but we already know that's not true... I do have to thank you though, because I did learn something about myself. You see, I was so, so nervous about the date and worrying if you would like ME that it never even ocurred to me that I had to like YOU too. I'm still entitled to respect and a bit of class. The size of my hips does not mean I have to lower my standards.
I wish you luck, dude. I hope you find someone. As you seem to be allergic to ALL animals, you r eally should because christ, you're gonna be lonely.
Hugs & kisses!
