It hasn't been a secret from my close friends that lately, I've been going througha bit of a rough patch.
Is it the depression I've battled since I was 18? I don't know... it's easy to blame such things on a medical diagnosis but maybe I am just stressed out and it's normal. I can't really seperate the two because, frankly, I'll never be able to. I mean, I guess I will always feel saddness more deeply than a normal person because I have a clinical problem. And I should clarify-- I'm not bipolar or anything. My diagnosis has always been "clinical depression." Swell.
But I take meds and most of the time, I'm fine.
So my roommate told me he was moving out and there was a rush to find a replacement. All the while, I was fearful that I would not find anyone and would end up back at my mom and dad's house. You can imagine my enthusiasm at that prospect. My grandfather's health (he has alzheimers) is now rapidly deteriorating and I'm not coping well. My close friends have been pretty great but there are always exceptions there and it's not helpful that I basically spend my nights alone, on the couch. My financial situation has not been great for a long time now but has been especially dire in recent weeks and I'm constantly freaking out and dealing with collections people as well as the bank, who hates how often I've been overdrawn lately (and they can suck it cause I always pay my penalty fees). My weight loss has pretty much stopped and my only solace in that situation, of course, has been EATING - clearly I am a genius.
My breaking point, I'm almost ashamed to admit, was a guy thing. A guy I liked, then wasn't sure I liked, then REALLY liked and then hurt me. This is what happens to me, by the way- I hesitate to let anyone in, then let them in, then get hurt. How I am not a nun yet is beyond me. I am just so sick of disappearing men.
Anyway... my roommate moved out on Friday and took his puppy with him which was so, so sad. But the new roommate has moved in with HIS puppy and he is a dream. He's adorable and sweet and has such a great demeanor. I'm really excited about that.... On Saturday night, I went to a great party for a great girl and enjoyed that. I threw the "after party" and had a great time with a small group of friends... And today I spent a reather pleasant morning hanging out with the new roommate and a surprisingly pleasant afternoon with my parents, brother and grandfather.
Last night, by the way, I danced in four-inch heels. Oh yeah, I'm a bad-ass. LOL.
So that brings you all up-to-date on what's going on with me. Some day soon, I assure you I will get back to the witty and profound blog I started out with but for now, I'll be a little bit of an emotional, blubbering nimrod.
I'm totally bringing back the word "nimrod," by the way.
