CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Well you know I wasn't letting this one go...

Felicity Huffman: Eva Longoria Parker Not Pregnant, 'Just Fat'

Monday   , September 15, 2008

   

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Eva Longoria Parker isn't pregnant, "she's just fat," says her "Desperate Housewives" co-star Felicity Huffman.

"She’s just fat, that’s all there is to it!" Huffman, 45, told People magazine about Longoria Parker on Saturday in Los Angeles.

Rumors of a pregnancy for Longoria Parker, 33, and her husband, Tony Parker, have been circulating all summer.

Longoria Parker says she can’t wait to have kids, but her fuller figure is all for the sake of her role on "Housewives."

In addition to putting on weight for the role, Longoria Parker will also don a fat suit this season to play an overworked housewife when the show's storyline jumps ahead five years.

"She looks cute," Huffman told People regarding Longoria Parker in her fat suit. "But she's always like, 'Feel my a--! Feel my a--!’ All the jokes [on set] are Eva and her fat suit."

Well I am SO glad they cleared that up. I mean, between me and Perez Hilton (see photo at left) and, you know, the UNIVERSE, it was a little worrisome there. I mean, poor, poor Eva.

You can hear the whispers in the halls. "Poor Eva. What a porker."

Yes, my heart really goes out to her. I'm so distraught.

I know, I know - I am being whiny but COME ON. An actress puts on a few pounds and she's either pregnant or doing it for a part. And they write it like it's AWFUL. I mean, this is being discussed on CNN, people. And then we wonder why the youth of this nation has one, giant fat complex.

You know, my heart actually does go out to her because she probably works hard to maintain her figure and stay in shape so she's not subjected to scrutiny like this. And even if she's one of those naturally skinny people - who am I to judge?

Residual Self Image

Last night, I had a dream that I was getting married. Let's forget how odd it is that I would be marrying anyone at all but in the dream, I was skinny. I was wearing this beautiful, long, draping wedding gown and I was thin and glowing and smiling so big, I woke up with achy cheeks.

Perhaps when we dream of ourselves, we dream of the self we wish to be?

And it totally reminded me of the "residual self image" speech in The Matrix.

Woe is my tummy today...

Yesterday was my sorta-monthly (cause sometimes I cancel) appointment with the doctor to take some blood and other things. I did cancel last month but was rather looking forward to yesterday's appointment because I've stocked up on some medical goodies I wanted doc to address.

I love my doctor. I am so lucky. I remember when I first graduated from the pediatrician's-ville and got to go to the family doctor. I couldn't understand a damned thing he said. He is from Iraq and has this accent that can make it a little challenging. But years later, it's not a problem. And he's so sweet and caring and, well, the man's saved my life a couple times so I think he's earned my respect.

Anyway, he's often been like a therapist to me when I can't afford an actual shrink and he's so good about listening and not being freaked out when I bust into tears. And he squeezes my shoulders and pats me on the back and promises me everything will be okay.

So after he scolded me for going off my birth control pill (which I did to drop a few pounds-- and I did drop a few pounds) because when you have PCOS and your uterus is lined with benign tumors, you HAVE to be on the pill, he said he wanted to switch the anti-depressant I take - something that will take care of my anxiety a little more than usual. So he put me on something called Cymbalta and we'll see how that works out. Right now, I'm not the biggest fan as I've been coping with the nauseau side effect all morning but I'm hoping it will pass.

I'll be on the couch, chugging 7Up and eating crackers if anyone needs me.

You know, sometimes I wonder if I reveal too much here. My friends read this blog.... Eh, fuck it.

I'm GENIUS!

Remember when I wrote about this?

Turns out I am more insightful than I thought. Check out this headline my best friend sent me:

Made my week.

Yes, this IS healthy...

First of all, you guys, my regular readers, all sort of get my sense of humor at this point, right?

I mean, I'm not a friggin' doctor and I'm certainly not any kind of expert but if someone asks for my opinion, I'm happy to give it. And to those of you who write often, or even those who just write once in a while to not at all (!), I appreciate you.

So I was upset and then guilt-ridden when I got this comment:

I hate to break it to you but this is not a health blog. A friend of mine suggested looking at your page and I read it and thought it was sweet and funny, until I realized you stopped talking about your weight loss. I looked at all the pictures you have linked to this page and it seems you haven't lost weight. Unless I missed it, you don't have any medical training and this is mostly just a blog where you complain about being fat and now apparently get free stuff from companies for talking about them. I can't take tips or suggest someone takes tips from a person who has no training and no experience in an area. If you wanna complain about being fat, go ahead, but don't say it's a health blog, that's just offensive to people who have lost weight and changed their lives.

Well, I think she kind of missed the point and by the way, OUCH, man. Big thanks for making sure to point out my pictures make me look fat.

I was debating all day if I should post this or not. But I realized that I wanted to explain to EVERYONE, not just her... so there was what she said (which was a comment on my blog so anyone could have seen it) and here was my response earlier today"

Let me just say I'm sorry my sense of humor does not appeal to you and assure you that in no way have I EVER proclaimed to be a health expert. Just a regular person that (hopefully) people can relate to. I've never offered a tip that was not submitted to me by a reader, a doctor or something with some cred. And I have openly admitted, more than once, that this blog was something i started for purely selfish reasons and that I find it silly that people wanna send me stuff -- but if people relate to me, and I make someone laugh or know they are not alone, then I am happy with that. And if TWO (yes, just two) companies wanna send me free stuff? Why should I say no? They know who I am and what opinion they are getting.

Is my blog about health? No. Not in the traditional sense. But a healthy mind? A healthy perspective? A healthy sense of humor? Yes. Making myself feel better and making other people laugh and know they are not the only ones going through stuff like this? I think that's healthy.

And as I work in TV and hear complaints about programming all day long, I offer you what I often offer viewers: if you don't like it? Change the channel.

Best,

AJ