So, I could have sworn I wrote an entry about what happened with the aforementioned date-boy and what ended up happening but I left that out, didn't I? I forgot to mention how I settled because I was suddenly afraid to be alone and thought just anyone at all was better than no one. I was with a guy for two months (or a little more than that) who wouldn't lay more than a hand on my back when he almost-hugged me.
Sent him packing. It took some time to summon the courage, but I let him go and have not looked back. In fact, I feel proud of myself for finally learning a lesson about the situation and about myself and for standing up for myself.
And strangely, I met someone soon after. In two dates, I felt more strongly for him than I have about anyone among the parade of losers whom have crossed my path this past year. He told me I was sexy and beautiful and couldn't wait to kiss me and hug me and rub my back... I like being with him so much that somehow, he renewed my faith in how being alone is also okay. Somehow knowing guys like him are still around, makes it okay to be alone... for now.
I don't know how much more I will get to see of this new man. He has a really demanding career and he's got some other issues... But I'll be thinking about him for a while, I'm sure.
It felt horrible knowing I'd settled because I did not value myself enough to know I didn't have to. So I think even if I don't end up being with this guy, I'll be able to get over it because I didn't act like an asshole.
Does that even make any sense? I swear it sounded really profound and meaningful in my head...
Let's all toast to a great year. Here's to 2009. May it be better than last year. May I find some peace, happiness, friendship... and a wee bit more self respect. HA!
