I welcome 2011 with wide-open arms and cautious but burgeoning optimism. I look to the coming year with a little sparkle in my eye, feeling it will offer me a fresh start, a clean slate... I hope 2011 will be better than 2010.
2010 was the year I found a lump in my throat - literally. It was the year I spent some months worrying if I had Cancer. And it was the year I had to have MRIs, ultrasounds and finally, surgery. It was the year in which when I came to from anesthesia, the first thing I asked for was Kettle One vodka. The silver lining: 2010 is the year I heard the word "BENIGN" and breathed a sigh of relief so massive, it was like losing 30 pounds in a swoop.
This was the year in which I had a bus accident. In which I was tossed a couple feet from my seat in the back and landed hard on the aisle floor. And so I started physical therapy and had x-rays and more doctors... {sigh}
2010 was the year I realized I was in love. And I both celebrated and despised that. My life became so much more complicated and annoying and often times I cried for it. I do not know what to do with this feeling. I do not know how to embrace it properly or let it go if need be... 2011, I wish for you to bring me resolve.
2010 was the year my grandfather suffered his second stroke followed by pneumonia, rendering him, basically, unconscious for several months, lying lifeless in a hospice bed. It was the year in which I did not visit enough, did not whisper to him enough how much I loved him nor did I deal with it like a grown-up. It was the year when, the night before I was set to visit him one last time, he died. It was the first time I ever gave a eulogy. I beg it be the last.
This year brought me too much pain and sadness. I was pushed to the absolute limit of what I could stand... but I am still standing. I am bruised and battered but I am not broken. Well, not completely. In 2011, I will stop being sad. I will move on. I will find my strength. I will hug more and hurt less.
I am not religious but a friend gave me this and it warmed my heart:
"God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength
but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it."
1 Corinthians 10:13
Thank you, Ben.
My friends, I wish you a happy, healthy and safe new year.
