CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

A Blog About Wine And Other Things

I'm currently enjoying one of my favorites, a 2006 Tempranillo from Castoro Cellars in Paso Robles, Calif. 

My Snuggies are both (oh yes, I have two - one in leopard, one in purple with pockets) out of reach so I am wearing my bathrobe backwards. You know what? It's just like a Snuggie. 

I'm finishing up today's "Ellen" and listening to Lady Antebellum perform "Hello World." I love them -- I've seen them in concert twice. They are amazing. Their song "Need You Now" resonates with me... 

I typically save a special amount of scorn for Valentine's Day but I'm typically a good sport about it. I'll crack a few jokes, wear all black (which I pretty much do every day anyway), refer to "Singles Awareness Day" with a chuckle, and thank my mom for the sweet card from her and dad. 

But I feel especially... emotional this year. I had a shitty few months and every time I think things are improving, they just don't. And a while ago, I thought by now, things would be the way I wanted them, but they aren't. And my heart hurts. I am soul sick. 

A couple of my co-workers rallied for me and we went out for a nice, quiet dinner after work. I enjoyed a lovely glass of cab and we all agreed to try something new on the menu to make the night a little special somehow. They were my angels. 

So I write to you, internet universe of strangers, to admit I am sad. It is my mea culpa. I am sad and I am owning it. I will not laugh this year's wholy depressing holiday off with smart-ass jokes. Nor will I mock my friends basking in love and gushiness today. I admit that I envy them (I've really never done that before). 

Tomorrow is a new day when I will hopefully not feel sad. It is, by the way, the best day to buy candy. Chocolate treats 50% off! In shiny pink and red wrappers! 

{sigh}

Well, there. I feel better. And so I return to my wine and a new episode of "Castle." Because actually, if anyone could cheer me up, it would be Nathan Fillion. I kind of love him. 

And We're Walking...

It was well over a year ago when I made a feeble attempt at a walking regiment. I failed. I actually remember quite clearly waking up the following morning and falling over. And actually crawling to the shower, which was humiliating even though I was alone. 

I have had posterior tibial tendonitis for years now and at this point, I don't really remember the last time I walked without pain. In truth, even when I am just sitting, I am aware of my ankle hurting. It's so much a part of me now that I am just used to it being that way.

So it's sort of ironic that I confess to you:  One thing I've always wanted to try is running. I feel like it would be an easy thing to be good at and to love. A TON of my friends do it. My roommate does it almost every night. I admit that I fantasize about what my running playlist would be and breaking in some tennis shoes. 

I'm crazy. 

But I'm living part of the dream. Some of my friends who DO run, have rallied around me and one night a week, we've started walking. We've done as many as four miles. I find the more I do it, the more I can just tune out whatever pain I'm having -- also, they slow down when I need them to. And, really, for me?The best part is the conversation. 

The time flies and I don't even realize it's been 90 minutes or whatever. 

I will keep saying it:  I am so lucky to have some pretty amazing friends. 

 

 

In Retrospect...

Ok, ok... I felt a little guilty after my last post so I totally got off my ass and did all the dishes.

And then I resumed the couch sitting. 

 

Today is Not a Healthy Eating Day

So let me tell you about my week. I was ON IT. I was eating pretty well (as in healthy), not snacking, a little exercise, a little rest. I was feeling sort of good about it. 

But dear lord, I just had to accept today would not be a healthy day. 

For the first time in ages, I found myself with a block of time where I had nothing to do. Let me be clear: That's a GREAT thing. I have a chunk of time right now to sit on the couch, catch up on TV, blog and actively continue to NOT do the dishes (my roommate is so patient - he should probably just start throwing them at me). 

So this morning, at a breakfast for women in social media (LOVE!), I had a pretty nasty breakfast...

Did I say nasty? I meant delectable. Frankly, the chorizo homefries at BLD are pretty unbelievable. The rest of the food was only so-so after that. And no, I did not finish it. (Calm down, portion police.)

And after running a couple errands and jumping up and down in my apartment (I really did -- ever since the accident last October, I get bizarre impulses to move my legs like a frantic person), I plopped down on the couch, clicked on yesterday's Oprah and felt sick to my stomach. 

And tonight, I'm babysitting (I know, right?) so I smell pizza in my future. 

Eh, it's okay. 

It was so exciting to be at this breakfast this morning, though! A completely fabulous group of ladies as obsessed with social media as I am! 

To those ladies: I look forward to seeing you again soon.

To BLD: Your chorizo homefries are out of this world.

To my tummy: I'm so, so sorry. Please stop punishing me now. 

HOMESICK.

I was supposed to be with my best friend in New York this week. I was supposed to be reunited with my east coast family. 

I miss you, New York. 

Chewing the Fat

Ok, ok, it's true. Extra's Dessert Delight gum DOES taste like you want it to. 

They didn't even have to send me a freebie to say that. My friend gave me a piece of the mint chocolate chip. I mean, it's like having a scoop in my mouth (boy is this entry gonna be loaded with double entendres). So right now, yes, I have ALL THREE: the mint chocolate chip, the key lime pie and the strawberry shortcake. 

5 calories a stick, kids. Deliciousness and chewiness and no guilt. Pop two pieces at once. I won't tell. 

I am not much of a gum chewer because I have TMJ but I can chew these for a few minutes just to put something sweet in my mouth and get a quick fix. 

Did you count the possible dirty references there? I did. 

Look for them at pretty much any place. I get them at the market. I know Target also sells them.

In other news, today was a small triumph. Typically a big, big eater on Superbowl Sunday, I was able to not to to that place today. I've attended the same party for nine years but this year, some friends and I changed it up a bit. And without a deep fryer at the party (I bet YOU'VE never had a deep fried twinkie!) and without the huge stress of dozens of people I don't know milling around me, I actually took comfort in a 1.5 liter bottle of Arrowhead water (I finished it and everything!), which kept me from drinking soda and too much booze (just one beer). And finding a comfy spot on the couch, which kept me from wanting to get up and go back to the kitchen for snacks. 

And BTW, it helps that in the last two weeks, I've shed a little weight. 

And also, BTW, I find I need to buy new jeans again. This is the most ANNOYING reward of dropping down. I hate jeans shopping more than any other shopping. 

Tonight, while watching the second part of the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" reunion special (it's CRACK. Don't judge me - you know you love it, too), I put the laptop down, and about 30 minutes later, realized I was still sitting there, watching TV. There was no computer in my lap, nor a cell phone or iPad in my hands. I wasn't even able to recollect what I'd been thinking about for the last half hour. It was like a little slice of bliss. It was unfamiliar and lovely. I smiled to myself and realized that either this has not happened in years and years OR it's just never happened to me before AT ALL. 

I was so happy that I ruined the moment to tweet about it and then, obviously, blog about it, but I'm still proud it happened. 

Well, tomorrow is Monday. It couldn't ALL be good news, could it? Everyone hang in there...!

 

Never Easy

Someone I greatly admired passed away early this morning. My thoughts are with his whole family today...

I feel rather hollow. 

I keep reading and re-reading this quote from Neil Gaiman my best friend posted:

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness.
I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful,
and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can.
And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."

I feel the urge to sing and draw and create. And to hug everyone I know and care about. 

 

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