CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

An Ode to Parents

I don't have children, but I have teenagers. 

For the last few years, I've devoted much of my free time to a youth organization. A former member myself, it occurred to me one day I could give back to them. So once a week, I meet with about a doezen girls, ages 13 to 18, and on a lot of weekends, you'll find my chaperoning events or going on retreats. About once a month I try to take some of the kids from other chapters that I am close with to lunch or coffee. 

I don't have children, but I have teenagers. Whom I think I love as if they were my children. Or, at the very least, my younger siblings. 

Never, in a million years, did I think I would become so attached to these kids. 

Parents, I don't know how you do this. This whole having kids thing. 

I've spent a lot of weekends with the group but this past weekend was unique for me, though I cannot tell you why. I was just more emotional. I'm not big on crying in public but they got me. And they got me a LOT. I won't bore you with our structure and our rules and politics but just know this has been a tough year for these kids. And they were acting out as a result. It was hard to take. It was hard to control them. When I felt like I was REALLY losing it, I had to step out of the room. 

I used to have quite a temper and while I am usually pretty tolerant these days, I can still find my inner Hulk from time to time...

When they hurt or they cry, it became custom for me to cry as well. I can only imagine it is similar to how parents feel when their kids hurt. 

When they celebrated and won awards, I cried then, too. Tears of joy.  

Of course, when they did something incredibly stupid, I laughed. But only before fighting the urge to pull my hair out and flip a table New Jersey style. 

But at least I get to go home to solitude in the end. 

Like I said, parents, I don't know how you do this. This whole having kids thing. 

 

Down to Earth Dieting?

I loved these two user comments regarding Valerie Orsoni's new book, "Le Personal Coach," on Amazon.com:

"It's not just what you wear, it's how you wear it."

"A big part of looking great is feeling great."

Her program, by the way, is "#1 in France" and let's be honest, the French know how to live...

But I'm jumping all over the place here. You have no idea what I am talking about!

When a friend asked me to review this book, I quickly agreed because I seldom turn down friends, but I was pleasantly surprised by the book itself. It's not your standard, boring, textbook-ish dieting guide. What arrived was a charming, compact (176 pages with big font), heavily illustrated guide to improving your lifestyle. I enjoy its perspective, which is more acommodating of someone with an actual life, who is not just living to diet. 

For example, there is actually an exercise tip you can use ON YOUR CELL PHONE, which makes me wonder how that will play out when I get pulled over... "But officer, I was only exercising..."

But seriously, it's no pills (YES!), no GYM (Um, hello? LOVE.), 15 minute exercise routines, and a guarantee I personally approve of, NO SWEATING. 

It's a really fun, easy book and if you are into this genre (I know a lot of you are - don't lie!), you should pick it up. 

Her actual program, for the devout, might be worth a look, too, though it costs. But it's not gonna scam you like Lindora and it's not gonna annoy you like Jenny Craig. (Yeah, I'm bitter. I admit this.)

And her blog is also worth a read - it is equally charming.

All of that aside, this woman is an acclaimed personal coach, in amazing shape, and has personality to boot -- having survived a brain tumor and cancer. You go, Valerie. I hope you continue to kick ass for a long, long time. I wish you every success and happiness. 

 

A Very Happy & Healthy Birthday to Yours Truly

So I turned 32. And luckily, I was too busy, stressed out and crazed to care. Last year, I was pretty traumatized by entering my thirties. Actually turning 30 held no power over me, but somehow, 31 was like this asshole looming on the horizon.

And now I am 32. Which, really, feel no older than 31. And like I said, no feeling about it. 

But as I continue to remind you lovely, patient readers, I had a pretty scary year and I felt the need to celebrate. But not just celebrate me and my day; what I really wanted to do was celebrate my frienships. 

So I thought to myself, "I should do something to toast to our continuing good health." And to that end, I threw a supremely health conscious festivity...

For example, I provided nutritious snacks:

See? There's fruit in there. 

And I also provided beverages rife with vitamins and valuable minerals:

Not only is there DIET soda, but as you can see, a fruit AND veggie option...

And of course, a calcium-rich main course, because it does your body good:

Here's to healthy bones!

I think my friends were really grateful for a new spin on Saturday night partying. 

Quote of the Day

"It's sad when your stalker dies."

So true. 

Summer Boozing

Summer cocktails, anyone?

I asked my friends at Baddish to send me some refreshing summer drink recipes and they quickly obliged. I hope you enjoy - particularly the mojito float, one of my favorites:

Zaya Raspberry Mojito Float
6 fresh raspberries, plus 1 extra
3 fresh mint leaves, plus sprig for garnish
1 ounce Zaya rum
1/2 ounce simple syrup
1 teaspoon lime juice
3 ounces prosecco
scoop lime sherbet or sorbet

Muddle six raspberries, 3 mint leaves, rum, simple syrup and lime juice in a cocktail mixing glass. Strain the contents into a small flute. 

Top with the prosecco and add the lime sherbet or sorbet. 

Thread the mint sprig through the raspberry to make a garnish and serve right away.  

Skinny Margarita
2 oz Casa Noble Crystal
1 oz fresh lime juice (or the juice of 1 whole lime)
1/4 oz La Sierra agave nectar (or other organic agave nectar)

Method: Combine all ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake, strain and serve up or on the rocks. Garnish with a lime wheel. 

Triple Berry Margarita on the Rocks (makes 4 servings)

 1 pkg. 6 oz) Driscoll's Blackberries
 1 pkg. (6 oz) Driscoll's Raspberries
 1 pkg. (16 oz) Driscoll's Strawberries, hulled and sliced
 1/4 cup sugar, or to taste
 6 oz. tequila
 2 oz. triple sec
 4 oz. freshly squeezed lime juice
 1 wedge fresh lime

Purée berries in blender until smooth.  Strain puréed berries through sieve into pitcher to remove seeds. A Chinois or a Colander may also be used.  Add sugar, to taste, into pitcher. Add tequila, triple sec and lime juice into pitcher; stir. 

Prepare four glasses by rubbing rims with a wedge of lime and dip in salt. Add ice to glasses. 
 
Pour margarita mixture into four glasses and garnish with berries, as desired. 


     

Chambord Lemonade
1 ½ oz Finlandia® Vodka
½ oz Chambord Liqueur
3 oz Lemonade

Method: Shake all ingredients with ice and pour into rocks glass. Garnish with a lemon wedge.




Zarzamora Real (Royal Blackberry)
10 rosemary needles
3 Driscoll's Blackberries, plus 1 for garnish
1/2 oz. natural sour mi
2 oz. tequila, Casa Noble
2 oz. brut champagne or sparkling wine

Muddle the rosemary and berries well in a cocktail shaker glass. Add the sour mix, tequila and ice. Shake until well-chilled. Strain into a small champagne flute. Top with brut champagne or sparkling wine. Garnish with the remaining blackberry. 

Weeeeeeee!

Last night, I went to this event: http://www.goldstar.com/events/los-angeles-ca/the-merry-wives-of-windsor-reading.html. It was AMAZING. 

Let me tell you who was in it: Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, Christina Applegate, Kenneth Branagh, Faith Hill, Eric Idle, Eugene Levy, Tim McGraw, William Shatner, Martin Short, Tracey Ullman, Reba McEntire, and Sara and Sean Watkins of Nickel Creek.

Doing. Shakespeare. 

I've now seen Kenneth Branagh perform Shakespeare live -- it just won't get much better than that for me. He was, of course, the star performer of this read; a Shakespearian natural. Hanks was charming, if not goofy, and adorable. Rita Wilson was clearly super excited all night to be there and her energy was contagious. Shatner as Fallstaff was the best casting... Everyone was outstanding in this and what a bonus to get to hear Reba McIntire sing... 

GREAT night. Seriously. 

"Why, then the world 's mine oyster" - Act II, Scene II).

A milestone is upon me this weekend. I have free time. FREE. TIME. Seriously, my Sunday is empty and I am DYING for it to arrive. I plan to spend the day in my jammies, on the couch, watching TV, eating garbage. Don't believe me? Check out my calendar for that day:

That says "JAMMIES AND CRAP" in case you can't blow it up to read it.I take my downtime very seriously.

Last weekend, speaking of milestones, I turned 32. I did not have time to be depressed about it, like I was with 31. Instead, I threw a party. Because there were a few instances during 31 in which I was not confident I'd survive to 32 and shit, it warranted a party. 

But more on that later, kiddies. 

Hope everyone's week is off to a good start. May you all have milestone weekends in your futures. 

Dear JLo & Marc...

Not gonna lie - this new line may be a guilty pleasure. Please give me plus sizing. It's fab.

It's a MAGIC BULLET Contest! (No, not THAT Magic Bullet... Ew.)

Admittedly, one of my FAVORITE inventions EVER. So I may give this a whirl for shits n' giggles...

 

THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE NAMED THE MAGIC BULLET KITCHEN MAGICIAN?

Enter the Magic Bullet Kitchen Magician Video Recipe Contest for a Chance to Star in an Online Infomercial and win $10,000 

NEW YORK, May 5, 2011 – Magic Bullet proudly announces the first annual Magic Bullet Kitchen Magician video recipe contest. For the next month, Facebook fans of Magic Bullet can submit an original video of themselves making their most creative recipe with the Magic Bullet for a chance to be named the Kitchen Magician, star in a Magic Bullet online infomercial and win $10,000! While only one person will win, everyone who enters the contest receives 20% off a Magic Bullet product. For more information or to enter the Magic Bullet Kitchen Magician video recipe contest, visit www.KitchenMagician.com.

The contest, which consists of three phases, begins with a month long open entry period where people can submit a video showing off their unique personality and Magic Bullet skills. During the entry period the public can vote for their favorite video, and those votes will dictate which entrants continue on to the second phase.

On June 2, 2011phase two begins after Magic Bullet announces the 10 Semi-Finalists. Once again Magic Bullet will turn to the voting public and for five days ask Facebook fans to vote for their favorite video. As a reward for voting, all voters will be entered into a daily sweepstakes to win a brand new Magic Bullet System. 

The competition really begins June 7, 2011 when Magic Bullet announces the three Finalists. All three Finalists will be flown to Los Angeles, CA where they will make their Magic Bullet recipe and shoot an online Magic Bullet infomercial in front of our panel of judges. The Finalist with the most original, best tasting recipe and most entertaining performance in the infomercial will be named the Magic Bullet Kitchen Magicianand take home the $10,000. Finalists must be available to shoot in LA between June 14, 2011 and June 17, 2011.