Yes, you read that title right.
In a shocking new development, I have joined a couple of dating sites.
And out of misplaced respect for the latest CREEP to trample on my heart, I will spare you some of the more inane details.
But here's the gist of it:
A guy I went out with ONCE, who sent me some of the nicest e-mails, proceeded to tell me I should get pregnant. With his progeny. Like NOW.
I'm gonna let that sink in for a sec...
I KNOW! I was stunned, too!
Seriously, the guy wants to know if I'm on the pill, AND, if not, tells me I should STAY OFF OF IT. Apparently homeboy wants to be a daddy. Like precisely NOW. And I guess I was the lucky girl chosen to grant him this wish.
I feel slightly like a host body. (Yeah, yeah, I watch too much Star Trek. "The Host" was an excellent episode. Shut up.)
Among a vast myriad of reasons why I will not be having his babies, CHIEF AMONG THEM are:
- ONE DATE.
- I do not even know where he works.
- He has not even told me his last name. (Although, to be honest, I did Facebook stalk him and find it.)
- He couldn't even tell you MY last name or, I imagine, what frickin' color my eyes are.
- We kind of skipped over the whole FALLING IN LOVE part.
- ONE DATE.
Do I really need to go on?
Readers, I am trying to keep an open mind and shift my standards as I venture out into the dating world yet again, but I think I'm being MORE THAN FAIR in saying this guy is a GRADE-A, CERTIFIABLE, DERANGED LOON.
B'bye, Spawn-hunter-boy. It was (sort of) fun while it lasted.
I wish you and your future, probably-equally-crazy, baby-mama a happy and healthy something-or-another.
