CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

The Quirky Julie Bowen

I am a HUGE fan of ABC's Modern Family (if you are not watching this show, DO SO). For even longer, I've been a fan of Julie Bowen, who was on one of my all-time favorite shows, Boston Legal (Oh how I miss that show!) and even in a very under-appreciated movie starring Tim Allen (I KNOW!) called Joe Somebody. 

The panel I attended for Modern Family, by the way, was an absolute riot. 

I have always found Julie Bowen a fascinating interview on talk shows (seriously - watch her spot from Conan). She does not hide who she is; she remains quirky and a little strange and unabashedly real. 

Did you know here real last name is Luetkemeyer? True story.

And when I read this in MORE Magazine, I was rooting her on:

On being called fat (FAT?!) at her first professional gig, the ABC daytime series Loving: “Between scenes, [a costar] would say, ‘Can you believe how fat you are?’ ” Bowen recalls. Rather than allowing her confidence to be sapped, she sought support from the segment of the showbiz community that forever bears silent witness to the talent’s bad behavior.  “I thought, go talk to the crew, and you’ll find out that they hate her, too.”

I flew on a plane with her once. Long before the success of MF. I think she was on Ed at the time. I called my father excitedly and he said "Oh, she's cute. Give her my number."

My dad is right - I'm comfortable enough in my heterosexuality to tell you, Julie Bowen has a GREAT pair of legs (no really, watch the Conan clip - you'll totally agree). 

You go, Julie! 

Wipe it Off

I am guilty of taking horrible care of my skin.

I've been incredibly lucky (I am now realizing there is no way to write this post without sounding profoundly vain). In high school, I had very few run-ins with acne, getting only one or two pimples around that certain time of month. And I almost never washed my face, except in the shower. 

As I got older, I established a little bit of a regimen, washing my face before bed or something. Later I added moisturizers, finally settling on one I liked to keep using... Sometimes I use a night cream. 

My mother got me into wipes, though -- they have been my favoritest thing. They are perfect for a lazy S.O.B. like me. And then I slap on some lotion and poof! 

I'm not expert - I am also not a role model. LOL. I just wanted to explain so you would understand my delight to find these wipes from Specific Beauty on my BlogHER goodie bag:

They say they're exfoliating. I don't really know about that but they're textured so I feel like they're getting all the crap off my face. They don't smell and they don't leave me feeling dry and/or sticky. And they don't make me break out anywhere, which is more than I can say for the last wipes I used, from Korres. 

My mother, who still has pretty flawless skin, still uses these, which I also like, from Comodynes:

Go out and buy some wipes. Tell me what you think. It's pretty rare I do a product review unsolicited so you know I'm serious - they're great, I promise. 

 

Healthy Doughnuts = Fonuts (via @dailycandy)

Healthy doughnuts? IN.

Historically, I love doughnuts. When I was little, every so often on a Sunday, my father would leave the house early in the morning and reappear with a dozen doughnuts for us to enjoy. It was a big treat for us, who were not allowed fun cereals like Lucky Charms and instead, enjoyed more grainy cereals like plain Cheerios and Shredded Wheat (oh sure, ocassionally we got Cinammon Toast Crunch). 

But later in life, I learned to hate doughnuts. Not for their taste mind you -- they are effing DELICIOUS -- but ten minutes later, they just make me SICK. So I avoid them as much as my will power will allow.

Which is why this grabbed me:

Fonuts Cures Your Dessert Doldrums

Just Don't Call Them Donuts

You caught the cupcake bug, fell hard for fro yo, and made shaved ice a religion.

Next stop on your tour du dessert? The fonut.

Snag one at Fonuts, the new bakery from pastry chef Waylynn Lucas (The Bazaar by José Andrés) and pal Nancy Truman. It opens tomorrow in a cheery, modern space (zinc counters, patent leather paneling) in West Hollywood.

The fluffy confections are like the donut’s hipper, healthier cousin, baked fresh daily using quality ingredients, limited sugar, and seasonal fruit. Choose from original, gluten-free, and yeast-raised varieties in flavors like strawberry buttermilk, maple bacon, and the must-try banana and chocolate. Grab a cup of organic milk or Lamill coffee, perch yourself on a stool at the communal wood counter, and dunk ’til you drop.

It’s the holey trinity.

Fonuts, 8104 West Third Street, at South Crescent Heights Boulevard, West Hollywood (323-592-3075 or fonuts.com).

Source: http://www.dailycandy.com/los-angeles/article/107220/Fonuts-West-Hollywood-Baked-Goods

The War With Water

As many of you will know, if you've read this blog for a little while (but hey, don't feel bad if you haven't), I have a pretty long standing love/hate relationship with water.

It's true -- the stuff torments and taunts me. Frankly, I think it's only teasing me because it has a crush on me. Like Todd Hanover in 1st grade...

For someone who teeters back and forth between water-hater and water-lover, I sure do know a lot about it. It started in grad school, when I picked the bottled water industry as a subject for a research paper. It made me an annoying little expert on bottled water, in fact...

• Evian bottles have a bigger mouth. Personally, that just means I spill more. 
• Fiji has done something to their bottles - you can taste the plastic or something... It wasn't like that five years ago. 
• Smart Water only tastes good ice cold. 
• VOS in a glass bottle stays colder longer. It's a favorite albeit a little bit of a splurge. 
• Arrowhead is consistent, inexpensive.

I could fill this blog with opinions on bottle water. 

I was approached to blog about Icelandic Bottled water but they never sent product or worthwhile reading material beyond their initial pitch so instead I pointed my latest observations elsewhere. 

So check this out:

The top of an Activate bottle of water is like a bottled-water-syringe. You twist it and it releases all these vitamins and flavors into your drink. Storing them up top preserves them and then you just shake, open and drink. I'm all about making water a fun activity so it appealed to me. I was so amused I twisted two bottles in a row, and took a sip of both... I'm kind of a shiny objects gal that way. 

I didn't like the grape, but that's neither here nor there -- I did enjoy the raspberry citrus and finished that one. 

And for those more conscientious than I: zero calories, zero fat, zero carbs. A little high on the sodium but there are worse things. It IS water... And it's FUN water. 

My best friend always puts a crazy straw in her water because it lures her into drinking it. I clearly also need a gimmick -- the twisty botte top suckered me in.

Highly recommend. Drink up! 

P.S. Upon further research, I found two things that made me happy -- a coupon you can download from their website, and information about a charity they support, Nourish America (I love a good corporate non-profit endorsement). 

Product Review: Funky Monkey

Ok, so -- Funky Monkey Snacks are an all-natural, freeze dried fruit product. Bottom line. As such, the ingredient list couldn’t be easier. Also, that makes them low-cal, non-fat, gluten free, dairy free, Wheat free, nut free... I suppose the only way you couldn't eat them is if you were allergic to the fruit itself (making me wary of the pineapple but they didn't send me that one). Of course, I also have a problem with citrus and the MangoOJ flavor was no problem for me so who knows? Maybe Funky Monkey has fond the perfect bionic snack!!! 

They come in two different sizes, so they are great for on the go. I was told lots of people also mix them in with yogurt and oatmeal to add some texture and servings of fruit. I think I'd totally put them in my cottage cheese, too. 

I'm sitting here with four pouches: MangoOJ, Bananamon (Cinnamon Banana), Purple Funk (Banana with Acai Berry), and the Carnival Mix, which has a little of everything (including pineapple, actually, which I am nevous to try). My favorite is the Cinamon Banana even though I can't taste much cinnamon. I would have said the Purple Funk, initially but it left a weird after taste. 

And if you're curious, they look how you'd imagine, like freeze dried fruit...

Yes, I totally used my laptop as a plate for this photo

And FYI, best part of this is I totally know how to pronounce ACAI (you KNOW you've wondered, too). It's apparently ah-sigh-EE. Doesn't that tickle you? 

The #BlogHer11 Blog Part 3, The Final Part (I Promise!)

Chris and I were very excited to get underway with the official first day of BlogHER (even though I look disgusting - I don't know why I left my hair-prettying-materials at home)... Headbands, I think, do not a pretty hair-do make (for me). 

We begin our broadcast day at the "Newbie Breakfast." I was really looking forward to it because, well, I WAS a BlogHER newbie and I felt like this would be an opportunity to know what I was doing there. It would give me a path. Perhaps I should have forked over $75 or whatever for "Pathfinder Day" but that seemed like a sneaky way to get more money from me... Ultimaely, the breakfast was a dud. It was a lot of tired ladies in an unenergetic room with a speaker... Not what I was expecting. 

Didn't matter. I was still excited for my first panel, "Blogging to Self Acceptance." I mean, YOU read this blog. Doesn't that strike you as profoundly relevant?

It was. It was OUSTANDING. In fact, ultimately, it would be the only truly worthy panel I saw all weekend. The panelists, Mr. Lady (her blog is called "Whiskey in my Sippy Cup so I knew I'd love her), Gluten Free Girl, and Brene Brown were clever, insightful and even inspirational. It was like being a deeply rewarding group therapy session (and I LOATHE group therapy). I took a lot of notes. I must share highlights - some of the key points or things said that really resonated with me:

• We blog through imperfections, about "orphaned parts of ourselves" - the parts of us that do not feel at home with other parts. 
• Perfectionism gets in the way -- it keeps you from judgement, blame and criticism. It becomes an addictive shield.
• You should only share your REALLY personal stories with people who have earned the right to hear them (as such, I never tell anyone anything - just ask my poor, suffering friends). 
• Blogging is an opportunity to practice compassion.
• If you claim not to care, how can you ever really connect?
• Via @unmarketing: "Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer."

And it just went on like that. 

I had all the essentials at hand.

I hope I have the opportunity to speak to these brilliant women again sometime. I will continue to follow them online. I am their new biggest fan. 

P.S., the moderator, Gretchen Rubin, was equally brilliant and I sensed she could have contributed more but I respected that she held to her role as moderator. But I'm totally gonna check out her book. 

Total non-sequitr, there was a Flash Mob at lunch and it was AWESOME. Click here to see. 

In the afternoon, I hit up the "Perfecting Product Reviews" panel, which was just okay (although panelist MommyNiri was a standout). I feel like mostly, I was at a defecit in panels because I work in PR for a living. Next year, I need to be ON a panel. It's not vanity - it's just that I feel like I could help. I always love to teach what I know. 

In the evening, my roomie and I headed to an off-site event at the Andaz, sponsored by Softcup - a product that both intrigues me and grosses me out. But we got to ride in a pedi-cab, I got to meet Gold Medlaist Amanda Beard, eat prosciutto-wrapped jumbo prawns, AND I tried UV's CAKE FLAVORED VODKA. I'm not messing around, friends. You know how I love the vodka.

   

I have to say, though, the Swagbucks party we went to after reminded me of the girl in school, who nobody liked, who had a brithday party, that only a few people came to - and only out of pity. It may have been a smash before we got there but they ended it an hour earlier than advertised so we were totally disappointed. 

Frankly, by this point, I was EXHAUSTED anyway. I don't know how people do it. There were more parties that night and I went to precisely none of them. All I wanted to do was stay in my comfy Marriott bed, play with all my free toys, and feed my Frotierville cows. 

Day 2? 

Well, sadly, cut short. Because following the car accident, I had to find a way home. And the only feesible option was the train. Which left around 6 or else I'd have to spend another night. Which I didn't have a room for. 

But on Day 2, there was much of the same. But I spent some of my day dedicated to the sponsored hospitality suites. I wanted to see what companies were doing as far as social media; how they were utilizing BlogHER. Hershey's was my hands-down favorite. They created an adorable campground and you could make your own S'mores. Hallmark Cards has a great project wherein you could pick out some cards and either have Hallmark send them to friends OR tweet someone at the conference that they had a card for pick-up (I totally sent one to Chad). Hot Wheels, I'm sorry to say, epically failed with little-to-no decor and toys to play with -- that did not work. Johnson & Johnson had a really amazing presentation pertaining to all of their non-profit programs but it took forever to get through them. I was however interviewed on camera (which was cool but I look beyond atrocious so I am not sharing) and that was a trip. 

Chris and Ana Lydia (She is the infamous "Latina PR Pro") making s'mores

Lunch was pretty awesome. For not only was the keynote speaker Indra Nooyi, CEO of PepsiCo, arguably my favorite brand inthe universe, but they read MY tweeted question first. This is a woman who oversees about 60 brands under her umbrella - that's 300,000 employees. AND, she's effing COOL. I mean, she's amazing. It was a great lunch. 

The session I attended after that? Well, I must say, I walked out. It was "How to Pitch a Book" but with the lights half-dimmed and the focus on mommy bloggers (I ran into that a LOT and it was my chief complaint about BlogHER), I couldn't keep my eyes open by then. I had to get moving. 

Only a little more time for the Expo before I headed to the train station.

Overall, I have few, few complaints (the mommy blog thing for instance) and I really do plan to go next year (and I wasn't kidding- I'm going to put together a panel with some colleagues) despite it being AUGUST IN NEW YORK (I'm already perspiring). I encourage you to look at my pictures and patronize these brands that came out to support us. What they did for us made the weekend immeasurably fun and memorable. 

The #BlogHer11 Blog Part 2: Hit the Floor!

When last we left our blogging superhero (yes, ME), she was pulling up to the Marriott for BlogHER in a massive tow-truck, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of the bellman helping her empty out the contents of her smashed in vehicle. 

Thank goodness for Cindy, Amy, Chad and my very patient roommate Chris. 

When I got my bags stored, I went to - where else? - the bar. I needed vodka. And quiet. And air conditioning. I was a worn out hot mess from spending quality time with Officer Jorge Colin of the CHP on the 5 freeway, and I was ready to cry. 

But before I could sit down alone and wallow, two friendly ladies - Cindy and Amy from Oklahoma - leaned in and invited me to sit with them. And before I could think better of it, I was pouring out my tale of woe. And they were listening and consoling me. And encouraging vodka. These amazing, lovely women I'd never met perked me right up and got me reinvigorated for the weekend. I ran into them again later in the weekend and hope we can stay in touch via Twitter. 

With Cindy, Amy and Chris (I'm sporting a lovely post-accident "I need a shower" glow.)

When my friend Chris arrived (read her blog - it's very clever and often hilarious), we dropped our shit in the room, refreshed and bolted for the Expo floor. I was very excited. The expo is just a land of vendor booths wherein they give you free stuff and talk to you about their products. I was super excited to see what kind of social media integration was in store and what creative promotions I'd find. 

First, I had to get my badge. Which was an annoyance because it SHOULD have come in the mail prior to the event but it didn't. And they didn't have it in the "to be picked up" pile so I had to wait for one to be made. But Chad, behind the counter, sympathetic to the day I was having, provided me with a surplus of drink tickets. And ladies, Chad was not hard on the eyes. I must say I have me a little crush on BlogHER-Chad. (No, I don't care if he's reading this.) 

I took an absolute TON of photos all weekend but here are the highlights of this adventure to the expo:

Did you know Tropicana, Quaker and Gatorade, along with a million other products, are owned by PepsiCo? In fact, Pepsi was a major sponsor for the wekeend so everywhere I looked, there was free Diet Pepsi. It was mecca for a Coke-hater like me. And I picked the above photo because I also sampled the raspberry lemonade at the Tropicana booth and it was DELICIOUS. I made out with several coupons for it. And BTW, check out the fun green-screen action they had going on with Gatorade. Cracked me up.

Of course, I could not mention DP without showing you the best thing EVER:

A giant pump made of DP cans? I think Lady Gaga should look into this.

We loved the Philosophy booth. Delicious smelling goods and a fun photo booth. Of course, I keep their "Falling in Love" scent in my purse at all times. 

I won $47 in the RetailMeNot booth. Which was pretty AWESOME. If you've ever been a Golden Girls fan, this was JUST like the "Grab That Dough" episode, sans Blanche's very, very sparkly, red sequin dress. 

Of course, the BEST part of my day was this little guy, Dash, courtesy of Fox Home Enetertainment, who sponsored the BlogHER "People's Party" on behalf of their upcoming title "Marley & Me: The Puppy Years." There was a PEN of PUPPIES to play with. I could have spent all night...

Not to be forgotten was the hilarious drink menu for the night (and thanks to the afforementioned Chad, I had tickets to spare):

To be clear, YES, my drink as called "Virginia's Got Balls."  I have seen a few episodes of Raising Hope and thought this was a HILARIOUS touch. And I didn't mind that a couple girls dressed at "Cheerios" from GLEE, were handing out big boxes of Red Vines and Mike & Ike's, either. 

And, DEAR LORD, this was just in a few hours of the first night. The real deal hadn't even kicked off yet...

TO BE CONTINUED!!! 

The #BlogHer11 Blog Part 1: Why I Arrived in a Tow Truck

Hello, STUFF. 

I have so, so much paperwork, reading material, business cards, swag and photos to comb through that I've decided I will write about the BlogHER conference in the exact order it happened, in as many parts as I imagine you can tolerate. Or I can tolerate. 

When I am sick of the sound of my own voice (so to speak, as clearly, you're not listening to me out loud), I'll shutup. 

But I may as well tell you, in case you had not caught it via tweet. I am the girl who showed up to BlogHER in a TOW TRUCK. 

I was making fairly decent time down to San Diego. Mostly, I moved pretty well. And I was only a mile from getting off the freeway in San Diego when we came to a full stop. But so close to the exit, I could not be totally annoyed - this was the first stop I'd had to make. 

And then I looked in my rear-view. A 4x4 did not see we were stopped. I could tell right away.

So it did not totally surprise me when he SLAMMED into my car. 

Thanks, Nissan 4x4! 

I sighed. Immediately, I was relieved to be okay. In fact, probably due to being stopped and rather relaxed in my seat, buckled in, I was perfectly fine. But I knew my car would be another story...

I was right:

 

(Later, they had to take my bumper off altogether lest is drag on the ground and make things worse.)

First call: my parents. Who immediately got into their car and started to drive down to San Diego. Second call: 911 to send a policeman and a tow truck. Finally: my insurance. 

But as it was nearly 5pm, there weren't any auto shops open to tow it to. It was to go to the impound lot. My insurance said they would have it towed to a mechanic of my choosing in LA.

So that said... I mean, I was practically AT my destination, the CHP officer asked the tow truck to take me to the hotel. To BlogHER. Because, he said, "why miss it?"

Which is how I found myself climbing up three steps to sit in the biggest tow truck ever, pulling my sad car behind us, with my luggage inside, pulling up to the valet parking attendant, leaping down and asking "Anyone ever arrived in one of these before?"

"Not in 20 years," he told me. 

It's nice to feel special. 

So with my luggage - now including bags filled with the contents of my trunk (I keep a lot of random shit in my car, including, thankfully, reusable grocery bags), I disappeared into the San Diego Marriott Marquis, waving so long to my poor, banged up, bashed in, Camry. 

My parents got about 30 minutes into their drive before I convinced them to turn around. I was at the event, my car was going to be taken care of, and I could hop on a train home. Why shouldn't I stay at BlogHER? 

To be continued....