"I'm not that good-looking." - Ryan Gosling
"I didn't live my life the right way for politics, you know. I fucked too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that's the truth." - George Clooney on his political future
"I believe these words came from the POKEMON MOVIE..." - Former Presidential Candidate, Herman Cain
"I'm gonna miss him so much." - Jon Stewart on Herman Cain
Incidentally, anything from Jon Stewart on Herman Cain was really one of my favorite things this year. So, you're welcome:
"I'd love to see their inbred faces when they open those thank you notes! Hopefully their jaws will drop so fast that their three remaining teeth and cro-magnon foreheads will plummet to the floor." - Lisa Lampinelli, who announced she would donate $1,000 to the Gay Men's Health Crisis for every Westboro Baptist Church member who protests her show
"You know, all we ate today was burritos. You had a wrap for lunch, which is basically a burrito. And we had breafast burritos. And then burriro burritos. So all we ate today was burritos. Except for the kettle corn. And the ice cream. But everything else? Burrito. All burritos." - 2011 Stagecoach Festival Drunk Girl
"...Osama bin Laden represented unrepentant and unpunished evil. His very presence seemed to question whether goodness could prevail over evil... but now there is hope. In acknowledgement that even in the face of overwhelming odds we must continue the fight against evil, there is the hope that we can defeat evil wherever it rears its ugly head." - Rabbi Stewart Vogel
"Dear Kayne West, Roses are red, violets are blue, if Rebecca Black wins any awards, you know what to do." - DBPB
"Dear Bruno Mars, She's not worth it man. If someone is throwing grenades at this girl, she's obviously involved with some messed up people." - DBPB
"My friends and I have been coddled long enough by a billionaire-friendly Congress." - Warren Buffett
"Someone in my office just burnt a pop tart in the toaster. It smells like the melting of hopes and dreams." - Meg
"How'd you guess?" - AJ Pierzynski, White Sox catcher, to a patrolman who asked him if he played for the White Sox as Pierzynski was driving home... wearing his uniform
"Harry Potter, the boy who lived....come to die." - Voldemort
"And the Emmy goes to.... KYLE CHANDLER!" - 2011 Emmy Awards Presentation for Best Actor in a Drama
"I am on a drug. It's called 'Charlie Sheen.' It's not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body." (Also see "WINNING" and "DUH. BI-WINNING.") - Charlie Sheen
Also See:
2009 Quotes: http://bit.ly/rDk5Ss
2008 Quotes: http://bit.ly/vtwvmm
All COFG Quotes: http://confessionsofafatgirl.typepad.com/blog/quotes/
