CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

A Guide to Champagne Cocktails (You're Welcome)

Healthy? That's questionable. 

Enticing? Absolutely.

Source: http://blog.loku.com/slider-ex-1/

Funny Things I do When Sleep Deprived

I think last night's midnight showing of The Hunger Game will be my last midnight screening for a long, long time. If today has taught me anything, it's that I do not function well on two hours of sleep. 

Oh, it coulda been three but SOMEONE'S stomach decided to be upset when she got home at 3am. Dammit.

So, for your amusement, here is a list of hilarious things I did under the influence of severe sleep deprivation:

• Wore my sunglasses in the office. In my defense, I do this every now and then because I sit in front of a northeast facing window without blinds on it but normally I can stand it. Today I look like a moron slouched down in my seat with my oversized shades on. 
• Listened to Lady Antebellum's "Cold as Stone" about four times. In a row. I'd never heard the song previously and I really enjoyed the last 30 seconds of the song when there's this pretty instrumental bit. But I just kept hitting play and listening to the whole song. And now I couldn't tell you a damned thing regarding what the song is about. Don't worry, though, I added it to my favorites so tomorrow when I've had some rest, I can figure it out. 
• Afterward I listened to Hanson for 20 minutes. Yes, HANSON. 
• One of my best friends addresses me as "Amanda" on Facebook and I honestly had no idea who that was. (I can't defend this. Frankly, the ratio of friends who call me AJ versus Amanda is pretty even. I'm just an idiot today.)
• Played "Draw Something" on the toilet. Kept playing, even after I'd done my business. People in the office wondered where I'd gone. 
• Told my mother I wanted to marry a mariachi player named Guillermo. I don't know anyone named Guillermo and I certainly don't know any mariachis but it sure sounded like a good idea. 
• I offered to get my cousin booked as an opening act at Jumbo's Clown Room, a rather insidious, seedy strip joint in a less-than-favorable part of Hollywood. 
• I tweeted a guy that interviewed me for an internship about ten years ago that I thought he was hot. I really, really did. I'm sure his restraining order is forthcoming. 
• Pretty much missed my desk chair and nearly face planted on the floor. I'm awesome. 
• Refused to correct typos. Anywhere. Work, Facebook - don't care. The only reason this blog is spelled out is because I bothered to use spell check. Why should you suffer? You people I like. 
• Proposed marriage to a friend who lives out of state that I've not seen in three years. I'm pretty sure I meant it. 
• Dropped a piece of paper and looked for it on the floor for a good five minutes. It was in my lap.
• Giggled. A lot. Sometimes for a reason. Sometimes not.
• Looked at 140 pictures of puppies. It's National Puppy Day, people. Embrace it. 
• I used the expression "I'm too tired for this shit" about 85 times.
• Decided this blog entry was going to embarass myself and then published it anyway.
• Wrote this sentence about 8 times. Could not tell you why. 

Let's just say I should not be picking up a bow n' arrow anytime soon.

In Which Some Very Lovely Ladies Threw me a Party

It's sort of interesting that for a very, very long time I've always worried that my friends and family don't really know me. That sounds quite like a fourteen year old's worry and I realize the silliness of it at my near-33 years of age, but I guess it's my inner adolescent coming out to mess with my psyche. 

And speaking of adolescents, it turns out some very resourceful teenagers know me quite well. 

In honor of "Advisor Appreciation Month" in the youth group I volunteer for, my sneaky teens threw me a luncheon. A lovely, delightful, flattering luncheon.

I love them so much. I cried. I actually cried. Me. The hard-ass. They got me so good. 

I have some very talented doodlers in my group.

 

SURPRISE!!! (I am carrying a Diet Pepsi - but they had Pepsi at the party.)

 

Cupcakes! PURPLE cupcakes! (My favorite color)

 

I was SUPER excited. They got me a TIGGER pillow pal. I LOVE Tigger. He's my fave. 

 

Not just french fries (my favorite food) but SMILEY FACE fries. Adorable.

 

Lots of purple in the room! 

 

I'm not gonna lie - I am now sleeping with this. 

 

We ate pasta and salad and finger sandwiches (so cute - I loved those best). They had MENCHIES (my favorite frozen yogurt) and we played games. We laughed and hugged and it was just the BEST afternoon. I am a spoiled, spoiled girl.

I love my girls. They may never know just how much this meant to me. I will continue to try and show them with as much support as I can give. :)

Any Takers?

Um, yeah... I'm gonna let this one speak for itself. But just to be clear (and because my mother ocassionally reads my blog), I did NOT respond to this guy:

 

I've Got The Sick

Home sick: Day 2

I guess it really began on Saturday night. I was getting these little dizzy spells. They did not last long and I felt just fine on Sunday morning. But by Sunday night, I was groggy and cranky. I went to bed early (there is some gravity in that - I NEVER go to bed early). 

When I woke up Monday morning, I couldn't swallow without pain and my ears - especially my right - HURT. I was incredibly dizzy. I emailed my office and went right back to bed.

I woke up a couple more times but in truth, I actually slept til 4:00. 

I'm slightly ashamed to admit that. Who the hell sleeps til four in the afternoon?

Unfortunately, I woke up this morning feeling only a little bit better but still with the dizziness. My right ear was still aching. Hello, ear infection. 

Do you know any grown women who get ear infections? This often? I'm so lucky. 

I forced myself out of bed a little earlier today, though, and tried to have a more normal day (and by "normal" I mean I sat on the couch and watched TV while playing a lot of solitaire on my laptop). Enter a couple doses of antibiotics, chicken noodle soup and some cranberry juice...

I think I might actually feel human again. 

Not my most profound blog entry but just thought I'd share. :)

Skinny Oreo Cookies and Cream Milkshake

Ingredients 

1 cup reduced-fat (1%) milk or ½ cup fat-free and ½ cup reduced-fat 2% 
2½ reduced-fat Oreo cookies 
1 tablespoon instant vanilla pudding (dry mix) 
1 teaspoon vanilla 
1 package Splenda or Equal 
1½ cups ice cubes 

Directions 

1. Add all the ingredients in a blender. Blend on high until smooth. Add a few more ice cubes if the shake isn’t thick enough. 
2. Serve at once. 

Makes 2 (1 cup) servings 
118 calories, 2.5g fat, 3g protein, 20g carbs, 0g fiber, 181mg sodium, 8g sugar

Source: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/517684-skinny-oreo-cookies-and-cream-milkshake

Quote of the Day

 

"I had a Shamrock Shake the other day. It tasted like childhood."

- A co-worker

 

 

 

Quote of the Day

 

Me: Whenever I wear red, I feel sassier.

Her: That's how I feel in my assless chaps.

 

 

 If he's signle, ladies, I have dibs.