CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

I Put a Spell on You

Hocus Pocus is ever so underrated, don't you think? As I don't like SCARY movies, I opt for ones like this on Halloween. This and It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! are right up my alley. 

P.S. Bette Middler effing rules.

 

Sincere Pumpkins

"I don't see how a pumpkin patch
could be more sincere than this one!"

Happy Halloween, Party People!

In honor of Halloween, I'm gonna throw up a couple posts today themed to Valentine's Day 4th of July Passover Halloween.

This infographic is pretty cute!

More to come! 

The Ghosts of Halloweens Past

In my most recent session of "Let's throw shit away!" I came across something like 30 CDs filled with old photos. Among them, many scanned images of my Halloween Greatest Hits. 

So let us enjoy a trip down memory lane, shall we?

I have no idea how old I am here but clearly I was a super early adopter of the whole vampire trend. Suck it, Stepahnie Meyer.

There is so much wrong with this costume. What am I? A ballerina? A princess? Why am I wearing tennis shoes with tights? Horrible! I am the epitome of gracefulness....

Why am I wearing 18 layers of blue eye shadow if I am going to put a mask on, I ask you. Same goes for the red ribbon around my head. Please note the AMAZING wallpaper and wicker in the background. My house was ROCKIN' in the 80s. 

FYI, the cast on my arm is real. After I broke my right arm for the THIRD time (like I said - graceful), I decided to incorporate it into my Halloween. I think I told people I was an accident victim. (And I know you are all jealous of my awesome plaid shirt.)

I'm adorable. 

This photo is a demonstartion of everything that is wrong with my posture as an adult... The pink pleather pants are pretty rad, though. Again, I insisted on wearing face makepup even though I had a mask. I was clearly not a very practical child but then, I'm not typically a practical adult either. 

I am so badass, you don't even know. But I should have painted that little orange thing on the edge of my fake gun barrel so it didn't look like a squirt gun. 

I'm sorry but how cute is my little brother the robot?! My witch costume, while very 1980s, is pretty sassy. Not sure what I am doing there on the left unless I had some kind of Lady Gaga Little Monsters premonition. Paws up, bitches! 

Horrible. Just... horrible. My mother swears up and down that I requested this costume so I have to ask WHAT WAS I THINKING?! This is the kind of clown I'd run from, shrieking with terror. 

I was only midly excited for this year's Halloween but last night, I finished sewing my costume and I must say, it's PHONOMENAL so now I am REALLY excited. 

What's everyone dressing up as?

My POTUS Declaration (Quote of the Day)

 

Me: You should write my name in on the ballot.

Her: What would your party be called?

Me: The AWESOME party. 

You're welcome, party people. 

ROBOTS. ARE. TAKING. OVER.

Dear lord... This is both scary... and enticing. Um, who wants a robot? 

Autom, the robot designed for dieters is made to keep you engaged and held accountable for food choices

Sure, she's sweet now but when you reach for chocolate, she zaps you with her vicious laser beam...

Sure, you can use your mobile phone to track your health and fitness goals, but communicating with a robot may make for a better emotional bonding experience to keep you engaged and held accountable -- at least that's the theory behind Autom, the robot designed for dieters.

The brainchild of Cory Kidd, a graduate of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology with a doctorate in human-robot interaction, Autom was developed back in 2010 and enjoyed a flurry of media attention last year.

According to a report in Mashable this week, the device is poised to hit the US market early next year, at a fraction of its initial cost projections. Available for preorder now, Autom will be shipped in early 2013 for a price of $199 (originally it was thought to be priced at $500) with a monthly subscription of $19.99.

At a height of 15 inches/38 cm, Autom can sit atop your kitchen counter and "chat" with you about your diet and health goals. Its blue eyes open and its head swivels as a computer inside its head allows it to search for a human face in front of it and maintain eye contact.

The bot will ask you about your habits, share motivational tips, and give you personalized suggestions based on your recorded information. To respond to questions, users can select the most relevant answers on its touch screen. The company says it hopes to develop another version with voice recognition.

So that Autom doesn't become boring, it'll receive automatic updates to keep conversation fresh. Plus it comes complete with a calorie database of nearly 75,000 foods, including restaurant meals.

 

P.S. The actors in this commercial are universally creepy. However I totally endorse dressing Autom up with a hat. Everyone should wear fun hats.

 

 

Source: http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/meet-autom-robot-designed-dieters-article-1.1189208#ixzz2A9AA2vNh

A Grand Reopening!

How's it going, fair readers? 

You know what I do now when I am SUPER stressed out? I know some people eat, some people clean (and frankly, I did that, too), but ME? I decide to totally redesign my blog. 

In case you hadn't noticed. 

And if you hadn't noticed, allow me to direct you to my optometrist. He's an older, handsome fellow with a quirky sense of humor and he'll fix you right up. 

(By the way, the other thing I do when I am SUPER stressed out is resort to sarcasm and carry on jokes for far too long.)

But anyway, WELCOME to my new and improved blog. Join me on a short tour, won't you? (Yes, I'm really doing this. I'm too excited.)

Omigod, it's a blog on a blog... MIND? BLOWN. You're welcome.

A. New banner! Site motto included. (And it's true. I wake up every day with the best of intentions... It usually takes an hour for me to trip over my own feet and/or spill on myself.)

B. Stalking buttons. Want to know where I am or what I'm doing? I'm sure one of these websites can tell you in some for or another. There is also now a handy-dandy e-mail button. Please feel free to email me -- I usually write back. Espcially if you're John Cusack. Then I will DEFINITELY write back.

C. Favorites. I read a LOT of blogs so I could not feature all of them, but I'll try to rotate this more often. These were the ones I felt compelled to share first and I hope you'll give them some love.

D. Navigation. I've had this for a little while now but I've added a bio. I promise it's not rhetorical of my FAQ. Well, maybe a little. I mean, this is a personal blog. I clearly like to talk about myself, right? Please also visit the "33 in 2012" page to track my progress and the "QOTD" page, where the funniest crap I've ever overheard lives (and some inspiration crap, too). 

And BTW, did you know you can SUBSCRIBE to this blog? That's right - I'm fancy. 

E. Twitter. I have no idea what is going on with my feed. I blame Twitter. Or Typepad. And Mitt Romney.

F. Mantras. Wanna guess how often I write drunk and edit sober? Ok, ok, wanna guess how often I edit at all?

Tour over. Tips welcome.

This was a lot of fun to do and, actually, I guess the whole tour thing just allowed me to enjoy it a bit longer. And praise myself cause this is actually the first time in five years I've revamped the site and it's the VERY first time I've designed it and built it out from scratch (The last two builds were templates). It makes me feel more like a brand -- it feels pretty cool. Almost 200 people patronize this brand each day and I am grateful to every single one of them.

And incidentally, I'm nothing if not a shameless publicist, so do me a solid and go like my brand on Facebook, m'k? Go follow me on Twitter! 

Thanks, everyone. More excitement to come - I promise.

"A Weapon of Massive Consumption" (So much awesome!)

From 2011 -- this is still so relevant and I encourage you to watch it. Brittany Gibbons wants us to drastically change the way we think about women's bodies. Stripping down to her bathing suit onstage, she makes a passionate call for women of all body types to find confidence in each other. 

 

 

Thanks to Meg for sending.