I decided to retackle cleaning out a storage closet in my living room this past weekend and came across a batch of CDs. I decided to consolidate them into my external hard drive and subsequently, had to go through all of them... And I came across some pretty classic writing material (I was a writing major for the last two years of undergrad and I often spat out memoir-type pieces in the wee hours of morning when I couldn't sleep).
It pleased me to find that my writing style hasn't really changed overall in these years after college because in hindsight, I always think of myself at my writing best in those days. To know I've matured in thought but not deviated much from the style is a beacon of pride now.
Here is a piece that became rather infamous my junior year. Because it is 100% true. Remember that as you read it. Remember it is ALL TRUE and that I LIVED WITH THIS PERSON.
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September 18, 1999
MY ROOMMATE TALKS TO GOLDFISH
My roommate talks to the goldfish. Seriously. She stands in front of the tank and asks them about their day and how they are feeling. She pauses as if they are answering her. They have a 14 second memory span. I cannot imagine what they say to her...
She’s also a witch. And I don’t mean that to say she is a nasty person. I mean she IS a witch. She wants to build an altar in the room so she can cast authentic spells and burn things. “What kind of things?” I asked her. “Oh... just things,” she tells me. She smiles maniacally and I can practically see devil's horns rise out of her scalp...
And I should tell you she watches me change my clothes. She watches me change into my pajamas every night. One night, as I was changing, she pondered aloud that she might be a lesbian. Mind you, I have no problems with homosexuality - some of my best friends are gay - but I told here she needs to come to some kind of decision about that and let me know. The was she looks at me is disturbing at best. It's no different than living with a straight man sometimes... Of course, she also has offered she might just be asexual. It must be such a struggle for her to decide...
She showers just before bed every night in order to go to bed with good karma. I'm not judging that, but I don't really see her earning any negative karma which then makes me wonder -- what is she up to that I don't know about?!
She hates the TV, the A/C, the phone, and openly admits she has no friends save the other witches in her coven. She hates all regular people.
The TV is “The Pale Menace” and the air conditioning unit is “The Cold Thing.” (Did I mention the fishes names? Beezlebub and Angel.)
Boy can she talk -- fast and loud. But I don’t think she’s ever made a point I ever cared about.
She cooks the smelliest food. She really enjoys a good bowl of fish soup. This contains hot water, raw fish, and onions. When she makes it, she lets it sit for an hour and the stench immediately fills our small studio apartment, forcing me onto the fire escape or just out into the city because it's pretty intolerable.
And I should just brush it off that she's mad at me because I won’t volunteer to stay in New York over Thanksgiving and Christmas to feed the fish, right?
I've been in New York less than a month, but I think I gotta think about moving!
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If you are curious, things with her got stranger and stranger until finally, I found out she was stealing money for me. A dollar here, a quarter there, but it started to add up to a noticeable amount. Don't even get me started on the time she brought home a dying pigeon and tried to nurse it back to health (it died)... At the top of second semester, I moved in with a friend a few floors down and never looked back. I basically never saw her again. My experience at NYU overall, though, was amazing and I chalk this semester with Madam Witch up to being a good story to tell.
Wherever she is, I hope she found whatever magic she was seeking to make her whole and happy.