CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Quote of the Day

 

Look out, Satan.

Special Surprise Offer from Lane Bryant

You guys, I totally wrote this mind-blowingly AWESOME post that was pretty much the best thing I have ever written. But then Google Chrome went all bonkers on me and I lost it. So basically, you're just gonna have to take my word for it. So this post, while totally rad, is just a little less awesome than my previous attempt.

Let's all take a moment to mourn. 

Moving on, I got my greasy hands on that special offer from Lane Bryant I was telling you about and realized it was ONLY good on December 6 (that's today y'all) so I wasn't gonna wait to share it! 

Like I said - ONLY good today, so RUN, don't walk, over to LaneBryant.com and pick up som fabulous festive gaments, kids.

Confession: Lane Bryant's Cacique underwear is the best thing EVER. Is that an overshare? Well it's super comfy so just deal with it.

You're welcome, internets.

And remember the giveaway! Still lots of time to enter!!!

Where for art thou, Hanukkah?

This one's for my mom, y'all.

Dear retailers of America, but especially here in Los Angeles...

Yeah, I'm looking at you Michael's, CVS, Hallmark, Papyrus and most major supermarkets! 

WHERE ARE THE HANUKKAH DECORATIONS?! 

Let's break this down. There are six million Jews in the United States. Over 600,000 in Los Angeles. If you're not into math, that means almost 5% of all Jews in the world live here in LA, people. That's a lot. We're not the biggest religious population, but think about just how big the world is. Really think about it. Think about how many cities there are in the U.S. 5% of all the Jews in the WORLD live HERE.

Wanna hear something even CRAZIER? In Agoura Hills, where I spent my formative years, where over 20,000 people live, 60% of the population is Jewish. 60%! Now I'm not a mathematician, but I think that's a pretty clear majority. (And for the record, I'm not even exaggerating. I did my research - they make census results public.)

And if you wanna be stereoypical, we're a spendy people, folks. That's right, we love to shop. We love our holidays. We love them because most of the time (up yours, Yom Kippur), it means we get to eat delicious food and we Jews love to eat.

So I ask you again, retailers, WHERE ARE THE HANUKKAH DECORATIONS?! 

Well, I'll tell you where they are. They're at Michael's on a back wall behind the ginormous fake flower section. They're in CVS at the end of an aisle, taking up 2 feets of space on about three shelves. They're in the market on a rack hastily put out among an entire aisle of tinsel, stockings, lights and pine tree scented room spray.

They are nowhere, people. 

What's more, the salespeople and store managers are either SUPER apologetic about it when they don't know where to look in their own store OR they're completely indignant about it (as in "who cares, let me show you some delightful Christmas wrapping paper"). 

Oh yes, let's not forget wrapping paper. I mean, in case you hadn't heard, Hanukkah kind of involves presents. Now I'm not trying to tell you that's what it's all about. It has an amazing, historical background story with a miracle ending - literally. But it's about presents as much as, if not more than, Christmas is. And for a longer period of time! So dear god, for the love of latkes, put some Hanukkah wrapping paper on your shelves. Throw us a bone! Maybe something cute and colorful that DOESN'T have Santa on it.

Don't do it for me. Do it for my mom. Cause she' awesome and she always decorates the house for the holidays. And I totally took her giant paper dreidel when I moved out so she probably needs a new one. PLUS, she wants to give me presents and it would be way more fun to unwrap them than just reach into a plastic bag and pull one out... 

I'm serious, guys. Cause the next thing that will happen is we Jews will take all of our holiday money and spend it online. And we'll like it so much that we'll start buying other things online. We'll start buying EVERYTHING online. And it may not affect big businesses in the heart of Los Angeles, but in Agoura and Westlake and Calabasas, without 60% of the population buying your stuff, you guys are gonna shut down. You'll be really sad about it and you might cry a little. And who's gonna dry your tears? Not us Jews! 

I'm a realist, people. I'm not asking for a shopping mall to shut down overnight and put up a 2000 square-foot Haunkkah village (although, that'd be friggin' AWESOME). I'm just asking for some variety. Some choices. I'm asking you to earn my respect and my business. 

Hanukkah is about miracles, people. Make it happen.

Love, AJ

A Holiday Shopping Giveaway!

 

 

Thank you Lane Bryant for sponsoring this post! Lane Bryant's 12 Days of the Most Wonderful Surprises is the perfect way to get your must-haves from Lane Bryant and Cacique for the holiday season. Click here for surprise offers announced daily through Dec 16.

A SHOPPING mission for me?! Ok, I accept.

And since Lane Bryant is on board - I mean, I was JUST talking about them - I could not resist paying them a visit and picking up something fun for the holidays! Ever so sadly, the local LB closed down some time ago (boooo Sherman Oaks!) but I kind of love the Glendale Mall. Off I went! 

I picked up this sassy little ensemble from the HUGEST Lane Bryant with the loveliest salespeople. AND - added bonus - I remember the Lane Bryant dressing room lights to be vertiable heat lamps but NOT SO this time! HOORAY! 

Where was I? Oh yes, sassy ensemble:

It's not me in the photo but I am just not going to post any iPhone photos until I get the hang of using this thing (seriously, how do you use that front-facing camera thing without looking like a bloated alien?!)... 

But the outfit -- It's cute and festive, no? I wasn't totally sold til  tried it on. Since I'm usually in flats, it's not nearly as short on me and I get to wear my favorite argyle patterned tights. :)

PLUS, in honor of my shopping festivus, Lane Bryant is being so kind in donating TWO $30 gift cards (to two winners) for me to give away here on this very blog! Isn't that lovely? Enter below AND THEN, come back on December 16 to see who won AND get a surprise offer from Lane Bryant!

To enter: Simply pin your favorite LB looks to your own Pinterest account, using the #LB12Days hashtag. Then all I need you to do is leave a link to your pin in my comments section! See? Super simple way to be eligible for a prize. 

See you on Decmeber 16! (Well, probably a few times before, but for the giveaway results, December 16....)

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls Collective, and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

Suggested Not-Topics

Dear blog readers, Please feel free to chime in on this. 

Just a quick note. Moving forward, I request that we all refrain from discussing the following:

• Lindsay Lohan
• Rihanna and Chris Brown
• Any of the Kardashians
• Especially Kim Kardashian 
• X-Factor
• Ryan Gosling
• Justin Bieber
• Justin and Selena

Yeah?

Ok, just kidding about Ryan Gosling. We should talk about him as often as possible. 

Love, 

AJ

Peace. Serenity. Quote of the Day.

I love this so hard. It makes me giggle.