CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

What's Up, Friday? Because Time Travel.

GREETINGS FROM THE PAST, FRIDAY! 

Dear internets, I am writing to you from Thursday. Hours and hours before you made that horrible decision to have a Starbucks Venti Frappucino before sitting in traffic for an hour. Long before you forgot to put deodorant for the day (you know who you are -- I can smell you from here). A whole day before that 3pm "WHY ISN'T THIS DAY OVER YET" lull sets in.

You see, I will be spending Friday hibernating and opening the laptop as little as possible. (Anyone wanna start a betting pool for this?)

But let us not cling to the past, muffins. Except for these few things that were awesome. You should still totally cling to these things and share them with your friends. 

1. I wanted to introduce you to my new business advisors: Tommy, Mick, Vince and Nikki.

This week, Mötley Crüe bassist Nikki Sixx (he's the one  in the very manly scarf) and his manager, Allen Kovac, sat down with Fast Company to give business advice. No, really. And it's genius. Or maybe I just love Mötley Crüe so much I'm biased, but you should give it a read. 

2. I have developed a new obsession with HitFix web series The Snap, hosted by evil genius, Louis Virtel. Each week he chimes in with three to four minutes of  witty commentary on the latest in pop culture. I love it - and him - so much. 

Get your beak wet with the first episode from March:

 

3. Another video discovery that made me smile... My favorite show So You Think You Can Dance is back for the Summer! And, as I tend to do when it's airing and I've got dance fever, I was tumbling down the YouTube Rabbit Hole late one night watching routines from the previous seasons. Then I found this and I COULD NOT STOP WATCHING AND SMILING. So much smiles. It's so amazing. I love it. 

 

Dear god, they're incredible. I've never seen such intricate footwork look so effortless. 

FYI, this should also be a lesson to us all -- there are like 19 million Urban Dance Camp videos out there in the world and I think I've watched all of them. Maybe someday I'll be productive again....

4. When I saw X-Men Days of Future Past (both times because I totally saw it twice opening weekend - don't judge me), this trailer preceded the movie.

 

Um, hello Colin Firth and all this amazing geeky awesomeness. I am so in. Has anyone heard anything about this movie? I consider myself an "in the know" movie fan but this trailer was a surprise to me. I'm so excited. I think it looks awesome. 

Generally, I seem to love anything Matthew Vaughn (the director) touches anyway. 

And Samuel L. Jackson is in it. As he is in everything. 

5. Does your heart swell up with happiness at the mere mention of Newsies like mine does? If so, you will love this video. 

BYU a cappella group Vocal Point and more than 85 other BYU student performers and crew pulled off a four-minute music Newsies medley video without any cuts.

It's insane. In fact, even if you don't like Newsies, it's still a lesson in production. The "Making of" video is totally worth a watch as well. 

 

Happy weekend, future dwellers. SEIZE THE DAY! 

GlassDharma's Initiative - Saving the World a Sip at a Time - And a Giveaway

Disclosure: Product was provided for review; opinions are provided by my keen mind. Also, the "Lost" pun in the title was totally intentional -- if it lured you in, I've done my job well.

It never would have occurred to me a b'zillion years to look into or purchase a glass straw. Why would I need such a thing? But then I caught a review of this craziness over on Romina's blog and I had to try it.

FYI, my desk is filled with crap. Yes, I own a Tigger alarm clock that sits beside autographed photos of stars I loved in the 90s.

 GlassDharma was happy to send me some samples and let me in on the latest eco-trend. Their glass straws, which come in varying sizes and designs, stand for healthier living, a healthier world, with a “touch of glass.” In addition, here's some impressive math to make it really convincing: The goal of the company is to provide glass straws to at least 2% of the American public. TWO PERCENT! That's attainable, right? But with a population over 300 million in the U.S.A, this works out to more than 6 million straws. BAM. Glass straws. You're welcome, environment. 

But let's put that aside for a moment. Because putting a greener footprint in the ground is a nice thought, but I don't mind telling you that they're also pretty and they make whatever I'm drinking taste cooler, clearer and fresher. I'm all for these things. 

If you're worried about breakage - because, after all, this is glass we're talking about - I would tell you that GlassDharma ensures the quality of each and every straw, offering an unprecedented lifetime guarantee. Close your eyes for a moment and picture me standing on my kitchen chair. It's a dark wooden rickety old thing but I stood up on it anyway and dropped one of my straws to the hard wood floor below. I really did. Nothing broke. Nothing cracked. 

This really happened. Alas, only the dogs witnessed it but they totally appreciated my DIY glass breakage safety testing (that's the technical name I'm giving the entire incident). 

They are even dishwasher and microwave safe!

Right now, GlassDharma straws are available in three collections: Simple Elegance, Beautiful Bend, and Decorative Dots starting at $6 each and maxing out at $10. Offered in various lengths and widths, GlassDharma straws are available individually and in sets. The accessory line includes cleaning brushes and hemp sleeves for taking straws wherever you go. 

GIVEAWAY

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When Bad Social Media Happens to Good People

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked me if I would post something about a business that did her wrong. And I politely declined as I don't really love to use my blog for such things, and to be frank, it wasn't really my problem so I hated to set a precedent.

But how about this teachable moment? 

On Thursday, I went to a screening of X-Men Days of Future Past at The Arclight in Hollywood. I love The Arclight. It's a nicer theater, far fewer kids, much nicer seats, higher quality concessions, a bar, coffee stand, etc. It's really nice and it's basically ruined me for any other movie-going experience. 

Clearly, I'm a fan. In fact, I'm ever a member. I pay an annual fee to belong to their club and accumulate points for perks. Like the screening I attended Thursday night. 

And then disaster. 

After the movie, for reasons unexplained, it took me almost 30 minutes to get out of the parking garage.

Which was horrible, but whatever. I mean, what can you do about it, right? You can bitch and moan, you can bang your head against the steering wheel, but nothing was changing and I doubt it will prevent me from being a customer down the road (although it may not be my first choice from now on). 

But I did tweet about it.

If I die here in my car in the @ArcLightCinemas parking structure, at least I got to see the new XMen movie.

— AJ (@AmandaJoy) May 23, 2014

They responded. I was not the only unhappy driver trapped in the structure.

@rockybarragan @ZenFeet @AmandaJoy Hi all - We do not own the parking lot, but we hope you enjoyed your film!

— ArcLightCinemas (@ArcLightCinemas) May 23, 2014

I responded to them in kind. Because I thought they took a shitty position. 

Here's the thing - they failed. They had an opportunity to look up the people who's complained and they would have found between us we have almost 6000 followers. They would have found we're fairly influential users. They could have said how sorry they were and explained in some way that they do not own the garage but would investigate. I mean, lie to me, guys. Say something. 

But throwing your hands in t he air and essentially saying "Tough shit, not my problem! But thanks for giving us your money!" was a horrible response. 

Happy customers are returning customers. And if they think that parking garage is not their problem because they don't own it, they need a lesson in best business practices. While not owning that garage may prevent them from being legally responsible for what happens inside of it, it does not prevent them from ensuring their customers have the best experience possible while patronizing their business.

Social media aside, they failed in general. As Rocky mentions in the above tweet, most businesses in LA will just raise the parking garage barrier and let people go without ceremony, just to get everyone out of the building in a timely fashion and keep the masses happy. The Arclight in Sherman Oaks doesn't own the parking garage they use but that garage does that all the time. I guarantee it's because they know a lot of movies are letting out and they don't want angry visitors. 

It's called "customer service," guys. Look it up. Then run a search for "user experience."

So like I said, I can't claim I'll never go there again, but it certainly just lost a spot at the top of my list. 

Sorry, Arclight. Social media FAIL. 

 

What's Up, Friday? Didja Miss Me?

Ugh, I hit such a lull this week, you guys. I'm ever so sorry.

You may recall the last server attack that shut my blog down for six days. This week, on Monday, it happened again. (UPDATE: We were hit with another issue this morning. Then it came back and went down AGAIN. I'm so over it.) 

It seems trite but it really puts a dent in my will. It's so discouraging. Every time one of those attacks hits, I lose readers. It's not good (obviously). And it takes a little wind out of my sails. It makes it hard to keep going. 

But Fridays remain my favorite and I had all these things bookmarked so I refused to let you down today. Here we go. 

1. It's graduation season and I always love to listen to celebrity commencement speakers. This year, so far, there have been two I've listened to multiple times I wanted to share. 

Charlie Day spoke at his alma matter, Merrimack College just a few days after Sandra Bullock imparted some wisdom to the Warren Easton Charter High School class of 2014. Both were witty, insightful, hilarious and, most importantly for a graduation ceremony, appropriately brief. 

 

 

2. The whole "Text Messages From the Dog" meme bit is almost as old as text messaging itself, but I'd not seen some of these before and I swear to you, I had to stop reading them at work because I was laughing so hard and people were looking at me like a crazy person (which I am, but why draw more attention to myself). 

3. Jaime Tatos Maldonado was walking to the store and saw this guy playing a song. It sounded good so he just decided to record it. By the end of the song three guys were jamming and it's rather special. 

 

More than 11 million views on YouTube can't be wrong. It just makes you smile. 

Jimmy Kimmel loved it, too. He tried to recreate the magic on his show. It kidn of lacks the spontaneity of the original but he got some superstars in on the action and it's a fun view.

4. My friend Anne shared this article with me and I'm pretty obsessed with it. On Tuesday morning, a gentleman in Oregon, dressed chain mail and helmet, and equipped with sword, staff, and shield, and was high as a kite on LSD, attacked a woman's car.  He claimed he was "engaged in battle with the evil Morgoth.

Well of course he was.

Later on he stated, "I wasn't in my right mind. I was still rocking my new pair of elf ears."

Because ears. EARS!!! 

5. The internet has bestowed upon us a great gift, and that gift is Alex Trebek rapping the chorus to “Insane in the Membrane” and referencing "Mo money." Watch now. Thank me later.

 

6. I read The Fault in Our Stars this week. It was sad and beautiful; tagic and warm. I loved it. I could hardly put it down and actually, I've not read a book so quickly in quite sometime. It was a wonderful feeling. I finished it at the beginning of the week and I still feel a little lonely without it - as if reading that book had filled some void in myself for our short time together. 

There is a movie coming out in a couple weeks based on said book. I plan to see it. With a box of tissues. 

Hug someone you love. Hug five people. Hug everyone. Life's too short. 

A #Menday Tribute to Suits

Menday gets a theme song today.

 

BECAUSE SUITS. 

But how about the guy who looks so good in a suit THEY NAMED THE SHOW "Suits," right?

Macht. Gabriel Macht. 

Mr. Macht, you are breathtaking in black and white, too.

And bonus points because also? HE'S THE SPIRIT.

And for the record, he looks pretty delicious NOT in a suit, too.

What's Up, Friday? You're Delicious.

Well, I've been 35 for over a week now and I must say, my hair is turning gray, my eyesight is going, the music is too loud and I've got a touch of arthritis in my right hip...

Just kidding. I feel terrific. I feel like I just turned 32. ;)

Anyway.... TGIF, Amiright? 

1. I'm a long-time devotee to Tweetdeck. A lot of social media pros use Hootsuite or upper echelon applications, but I'm hot for TDeck, kids. One of the big reasons -- the MUTE function. I can keep any mention of a word, hashtag, name or Twitter handle OUT of my feeds. That means I can follow you, but then I can mute you, and no one's feelings get hurt cause THEY NEVER KNOW. (I promise it's not you. No, really.)

Well, now, Twitter -- who, by the way, OWNS TDeck -- is rolling out the Mute function for Twitter.com and their mobile apps. 

I'm wickedly excited. 

2. One of my favorite outlets, Fast Company, put out its annual list of the most creative people in business. I'm obsessed. I'm going to go through each and every one. I have nothing moe poignant to say about it -- I just thought you should know what I'm doing when you haven't heard from me in six days.

3. Anyone else a baseball movie fan? A sports movie fan? I love them. I love The Natural and Bull Durham the most. I think Mystery, Alaska is grossly underrated. So I was pretty jazzed to see an early screening of Disney's Million Dollar Arm and review it for Misflix. I hope you'll give it a read if for no other reason than "Hammaconda." (Yes, that is what my friend Danielle call Jon Hamm.)

4. The Upfronts were this week. That's the week (or a little more) when all the nets gather before the press and advertisers to show off upcoming programming slates. It is also the week when I stalk all of the online TV news outlets for show trailers and schedules. Last week, we got a Gotham trailer (FOX). This week? A trailer for The Flash (CW). We live in a glorious age for nerds. As I just recently binge watched Season One of Arrow, with Season Two in the queue, I simply cannot wait for this. 

 

5. I am completely obsessed with the new Michael Jackson video. That's right -- a single from Michael Jackson. Off his posthumous album. This tune, "Love Never Felt so Good" features Justin Timberlake and this video is pure joy. 

 

Subsequently, I must turn to Usher, who danced to it at the I Heart Radio Music Awards. Watching Usher dance has always made me warm and fuzzy all over. I need to see an Usher concert. 

More joy. 

 

Wishing all of you nothing but joy this weekend. Dance. 

Sorry I Had Sex on Your Bed: And Other Tear-Out Apologies -- And it's a Giveaway!

From the makers of the infamous Sex Position Coloring Book comes a new batch of.... honest literature. 

Ever wanted to find the right thing to say only to be left tongue-tied? Ever wanted so badly to tell someone where they can take their bad attitude but just too afraid to let it out?

Ever tweeted something like this?

I would like to start carrying post its with YOU ARE NOT A COMPACT VEHICLE pre-written on them.

— AJ (@AmandaJoy) March 14, 2014

Well how excited was I that Ulysses Press sent me these for review. GENIUS.

Sorry I Had Sex on Your Bed: And Other Tear-Out Apologies for Your Awkward Screwups is a hilarious collection of snarky mea culpa cards to be torn out and given to wronged friends, coworkers, and family members. It includes gems such as “I’m sorry I tried to spice things up without asking first" and these modern day predicament solutions:

Seriously?! Delightfully Passive Aggressive Cards is a perfectly brazen collection of cards designed to be left for roommates, frenemies, coworkers, strangers, and neighbors who’ve Gone. Too. Far. Examples: “Maybe tomorrow I could pet your elephants? Love, Your downstairs neighbor” and “Touch my lunch again and I’ll cut you.” (I think that will totes make me friends at the office.)

This one was my favorite....

You’re Cute: Cards to Break the Ice is a witty collection of cards to capture the attention of someone new. Favorites include “This is me flirting with you...” and “It was either this or a Missed Connection.” I should probably carry this with me at all social outings. It might serve me better than standing in the corner nursing a dirty martini....

I've saved the best for last though. 

Parking Tickets: For Those Who’ve Crossed the Line is a superb collection of snarky cards for drivers of badly parked cars. Try “I used to park like this. Then I turned 6” or “Hope you’re better between the sheets than you are between the lines.”

Well you know I had to try at least one of these books out, so I did. This one. The other night when a massive truck parked so close to my car I had to climb into my seat from the passenger side. But not before this:

BOOM. 

And you know I wasn't letting this go without a giveaway. The world must know they suck at parking or have sex too loudly next door. I want to share these books with all of you. Enter for a chance to win below!

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Disclosure: Product was provided for review. Opinions were provided by me. 

Louis C.K. and Sarah Baker, You Crush Me

SO DID THE FAT LADY.

Here is what you need to know if you don't watch this show. Louie has spent years trying to get models to sleep with him despite their complete lack of interest, but he won't give a chubby waitress, Vanessa (Sarah Baker), the time of day even though she's incredibly charming, funny and, for whatever reason, into Louie.

What ensued in last night's episode of the witty FX show was authentic, charming and wonderful. 

 

My heart breaks. This is real. It is so brave and beautiful and earnest. 

Someone please give Sarah Baker and Louis C.K. all the Emmys in all the land. Immediately. At the very least, please give them my best wishes and heartfelt gratitude.