CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Quote of the Day

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Happy holidays from COFG!

Quotes of the Year 2016

Big list this year! And what a year it was...

Last year, this post opened with: "This list will absolutely not include anything uttered by Donald Trump."  I think back to that time, a time when some of us did not yet understand what was about to happen; when some believed wholeheartedly that he could never win a Presidential election... Those were the good times, America. 

Yet still, in this year's look back at the best quips and sound bytes, I will keep to that deal. This list will absolutely not include anything uttered by Donald Trump. (I can't say some of the quotes won't be about him, though.) 

In no particular order... 

"Anthony Michael Hall is facing 7 years in prison for assaulting his neighbor. If you don't think 2016 is the weirdest, I don't what to say." -Jensen Karp

"America! WHAT THE HELL???" -UK Talk Show Host, Graham Norton

“We aren’t born woke. Something wakes us up.” -Activist DeRay Mckesson

The Daily Show with Trevor Noah
Get More: The Daily Show Full Episodes,The Daily Show on Facebook,The Daily Show Video Archive

 

"Jesus fucking Christ, Donald Trump. You are the president-elect. Pick your fucking battles, man. You're embarrassing yourself." -Activist Danielle Muscato

"Here's The Deal, I Am Chris Pratt." -Jaden Smith

"Mark Zuckerberg I know it’s your bday but can you please call me by 2mrw…" -Kanye West

"I am not the only athlete up here. As you all know, earlier this year, Ann Coulter won the Kentucky Derby." -Peyton Manning at the Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe

"Oooooober." -Kurt in "Gilmore Girls, A Year in the Life"

"It's always going to be about the weight for me, Toby. It's been my story ever since I was a little girl. And every moment that I'm not thinking about it, I'm thinking about it. Like will this chair hold me, will this dress fit me. And if I ever get pregnant, will anyone ever notice? It's just at the core of who I am, it's just deep inside, and eight tequila shots can only mask that for a couple hours." -Kate on NBC's "This is Us"

"So what if I like drawing little hearts around Hugh Jackman's name? I can't be gangsta every second of the day." -Ryan Reynolds

“If Michael Jackson did the moonwalk for the first time now, and it debuted on Twitter, the third comment would probably be: ‘He’s just walking backwards.’ That’s why there’s no real rock stars anymore. Everything’s immediately diminished.” -Matt Healy of The 1975

"Always keep something just for yourself." -Dolly Parton

"What if immaterial tabloid stories, judgments and misconceptions remained confined to the candy jar of low-brow entertainment and were replaced in mainstream media by far more important, necessary conversations?" -Renee Zellweger

“And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside.” -Lin Manuel Miranda 

Wait til these #DumpStarWars people find out about Indiana Jones. pic.twitter.com/bLr34E5PU7

— Patrick Shirley (@1PatrickShirley) December 9, 2016

“Have you even read the United States Constitution? … You have sacrificed nothing and no one.” -Khizr Khan

"Vine is dead." -Wired Magazine

"How VIP do we gotta get?" -Paul McCartney (after being turned away from a VIP Grammy After-Party)

“I’ve always called [David Bowie] the Picasso of rock’n’roll, because I know that if I showed him anything—like a grapefruit—he would see the grapefruit that I see and then he’d see the grapefruit that he sees, and they would be two different things. He would have to explain to me his vision of the grapefruit.” -Nile Rodgers

 

“It’s important to treat everybody the same, even when you're having a bad time. Don’t talk to anyone like they’re lower than you, because you never know when you need help. You don't have to be an asshole.” -Anderson Paak

 

"For the first time since 1908, the Cubs are World Series champions. Believe it." -MLB.com

"I'M DAVID PUMPKINS!" -Tom Hanks, SNL

"You voice does count and it can change the world." -Lee Daniels

"Emma Watson wrote a note urging Americans to vote. She didn't spend her childhood fighting a dark lord so we could elect one." -Stephen Colbert

"He said if you wallow in suffering it wins... if you use it, humanity wins... His first thought was never for himself, or to tell you how he was feeling, it was always: what is going on in your life? And he really meant it. It wasn’t perfunctory. His kindness was never for show, it was who he was." -Menachem Z. Rosensaft, Founding Chairman of the International Network of Children of Jewish Survivors on the late Elie Wiesel

"That is what Barack and I think about every day as we try to guide and protect our girls through the challenges of this unusual life in the spotlight — how we urge them to ignore those who question their father's citizenship or faith. How we insist that the hateful language they hear from public figures on TV does not represent the true spirit of this country. How we explain that when someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don't stoop to their level — no, our motto is, when they go low, we go high." -Michelle Obama

"I'm not the next Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps. I'm the first Simone Biles." -Simone Biles

"To all of the little girls who are watching this, never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue and achieve your own dreams." -Hillary Clinton

"How dare anyone question a woman’s ability? Every person on this planet was brought into this world by a woman." -Pharrell Williams