CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

I Haven't Posted About Paris

I haven't posted about Paris. 

Oh. I changed my profile pic to that Facebook temporary one with the red white and blue overlay but ... For a day. 

 

I posted something about puppies last night. Which made me smile.

 

You see, I can't wrap my brain around it. Any of it. So I ignore it. These are things that happen in a Jerry Bruckheimer movie, not in my world. Not where me and my friends live. I ignore it because otherwise, I think about it to try and make sense of it. But that's a useless endeavor, of course. 

 

So I haven't posted about Paris. Or Kenya, Beirut, Syria, Nigeria... 

Frankly if I think about any of it for too long I start to feel sick to my stomach. Anymore time dwelling on it beyond that and I find I'm terrified. Maybe, then, it's selfish of me to remain silent. 

And then there's the part of me that knows remaining silent makes you part of the problem. I am an intelligent person and I could contribute to the conversation. That debate within my own mind is what put me in front of my laptop right now to write this.

But enough of that.

I think I liked it better when I was silent. 

Why 19 Kids and Counting Should Stay on the Air

I don't like to step up on a soapbox here too often but here we are. I'm just gonna keep this brief. 

A petition is circulating - thousands of people have signed - to beseech TLC to cancel "19 Kids and Counting" because the Duggars are homophobic. 

I immediately remembered one of my all-time favorite movie monologues (Aaron Sorkin is just a genius) from The American President: 

"America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the "land of the free". 

When HGTV cancelled the Benham Brothers' show for the same, I felt... well, almost the same. Frankly, I think those guys are douchebags and far too uncontrollably outspoken so I didn't mind as much when they got screwed. But let's be rational about this. 

You know the real way to send a message that you don't want these people on your TV? Don't watch. Don't talk about them. When they're on the Today Show, change the channel. Do not give them the attention and platform to proselytize they are seeking.

Where do we draw the line? Think about all the opinions you disagree with. Think about the people you don't like. Would you ban everything and everyone from TV that did not line up with your own, personal ideals? When you send a message that only one opinion is allowed, only one voice should be given opportunity, you make yourselves just as guilty as they are. You become a gang, a bully, and you validate their argument. There are better ways to do this, guys. These people deserve our sympathy and our pity, but not our hate-speak and not our valuable time. They deserve to be ignored, not martyred. 

I'm Ranty About CVS Receipts

I tweet about CVS a bit.

Hey @CVS_Extra - I'm giving you ten cents for the bag. Put some handles on it, would ya?

— AJ (@AmandaJoy) September 16, 2014

10 cents for a small paper bag at @CVS_Extra but the receipt is two feet long. WTG.

— AJ (@AmandaJoy) September 9, 2014

In August of this year, California became the first state legislature to enact legislation imposing a statewide ban on single-use plastic bags at large retail stores. Governor Jerry Brown signed the bill into law on September 30. The ban will take effect on July 1, 2015. In addition, they instated a 10 cent minimum charge for recycled paper bags, reusable plastic bags, and compostable bags at certain locations.

Fine. 

I don't really have a problem with this. I get that it's good for the environment and maybe makes the state a little money. Whatever. It's a nominal fee and I'm gonna be honest - seven times out of ten, I forget to bring my reusable bags and don't really feel too badly paying 20 cents for the two bags I need for my small grocery haul. 

But CVS kills me. Not only are their paper bags made of the super cheap, rough paper, they don't have handles on them. Is that a big deal? It is when I pay ten cents at Ralph's and get a perfectly nice paper bag with handles, making it easy for me to carry things to my car, up to my apartment, down the block to my office, etc. 

On top of which, their receipts are the stuff of legend at this point. Google "CVS Receipt" and you get a plethora of hilarious photos. 

(Note: These are not my photos but they are everywhere as well as all over social media and it seemed fair game to use them. I'll take them down if someone asks me to - I promise.)

When confronted with this distinguishing issue in an interview with The Boston Globe last year, CVS Chief Marketing Officer Rob Price explained that their loyalty program is to blame for the long receipts. As part of the loyalty program, the company includes coupons on receipts in hopes of bringing customers back.

I would like to see a case study on how many people return to CVS to get a dollar off shampoo they don't even use. (Seriously, I get these coupons and they are always for products I don't even buy.) 

And I think I'm onto something -- Price went on to explain  the receipts are tailored to include coupons for items the shopper might be interested in. MIGHT.

I might be interested in a rewards program that lets me opt out of receipts in lieu of a shopping bag with handles or a bag fee waiver. 

I've never run a business. I don't know how this stuff works. But I think this is pretty intuitive. If you really want to reward your customers, why not give them something they actually want, not a punchline.

Where did this come from? Why did I write this? I saw this Halloween costume and decided it was the BEST. COSTUME. EVER.

Well done, Reddit guy.

And speaking of punchlines, all of this reminds me a classic bit on receipts from the late, great Mitch Hedberg. Enjoy this and laugh to yourself the next time you walk out of a store with a receipt as tall as you are.

 

National Suicide Prevention Week

I posted about this last year and I will post about this every year.

Did you know that around the world, suicide is the leading cause of death for young people. Worldwide, nearly one million people succumb to suicide each year, a number that exceeds deaths from war and homicide combined. 

When Robin Williams died, I saw varied opinions across social media. "It's selfish and cowardly," some said. "It's a cry for help," others wrote. "What a tragedy," of course. I've spent more than 20 years trying to make sense of suicide. I do not believe it is selfish. Or cowardly. I dare not judge anyone so sick that they see this as their only, final solution. 

But it's horrible. I do know that. Whatever else it may be, it is a terrible thing. 

Every 40 seconds the world loses someone to suicide. This grim statistic is being challenged every day by mental health advocates and practitioners. The USC School of Social Work believes that suicide awareness and prevention work is of paramount importance. It is for this reason that they have started a collaboration with experts in the field to create the “100 Voices for Suicide Prevention” campaign. More than 45 leading voices in the suicide prevention field have contributed guest posts, podcast interviews, PSA’s, and resources to help raise awareness in honor of Suicide Prevention and Awareness. 

And on September 10, the World Health Organization and the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) will co-sponsor World Suicide Prevention Day. 

Have a voice. Be aware. Do not let a friend or loved one believe they are alone. 

If you or a someone you know are considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255. It is free and confidential. 

Click here to tweet and spread the word. 

Remembering With Laughter

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

The Accidental Activists: Four Questions With NOH8 Co-Founders Adam Bouska and Jeff Parshley

Who says #Menday can't be socially relevant?

More than five years since its inception, the NOH8 Campaign has grown to over 33,000 faces and continues to grow at an exponential rate. The campaign began with portraits of everyday Californians from all walks of life and soon rose to include politicians, military personnel, newlyweds, law enforcement, artists, celebrities, and many more. It has become an iconic brand and in addition to sharing poweful, visual statements, funds raised by NOH8 are used to promote and raise awareness for Marriage Equality and anti-discrimination on a global level.

And as I am huge advocate for Marriage Equality and equal rights, I jumped on an opportunity to interview NOH8 founders, Adam Bouska and Jeff Parshley. It's taken a bit of time to connect but I am so honored and grateful they took the time. They are heroes to me. 

Q: How did the style of your photos (the logo + white shirt and background + duct tape) come about?

A: When we were originally toying with the concepts of what would ultimately become the signature NOH8 look, we wanted to find a simple way to illustrate the way we felt. We felt like our voices were being forcibly silenced by Prop 8, so we came up with the visual of subjects being silenced with duct tape while their protest of "NOH8" spoke past the tape. We chose plain white shirts against a plain white background to put the focus on each person as an individual and the connection through their eyes.

Q: When you first started taking these photos, did you intend for them to become such a polarizing component of the fight for gay rights?

A: We like to call ourselves accidental activists. We never intended to create a campaign, we were just looking for a way to speak out on our social media the best way we knew how. It wasn't until we posted our own photos and had friends reach out wanting to do photos and get involved that we realized NOH8 was taking on a life of its own; something bigger than just the two of us. So many people were looking for a way to express their feelings on how Prop 8 affected them, and NOH8 became a way for them to sum up their feelings through just one picture.

Q: You’ve photographed “regular people,” celebrities, politicians – even dogs and cats. Have there been any real surprises in your shoots? Anyone who showed up and blew you away?

A: There have been so many touching moments for us over the years. One of the great things about NOH8 photos is that everybody brings their own individuality and their own story, and it's been amazing to meet so many people and learn about why the fight for equal rights matters to them. The issue really is so relative, as everybody can relate to being discriminated against or bullied for being themselves. It doesn't matter if you're a celebrity or not; everybody has their own unique network of friends, family, and peers that they can share their message of support with. One of the most surprising photos for us was Cindy McCain (wife of Senator John McCain), which is why it was so it was important for us to tell her story and show that support of equality is not a party issue. And her story was just one of thousands!

Q: What would you still like to accomplish? What lies ahead for the next five years?

A: In just over five years, we've taken over 35,000 NOH8 photos in 45 states and 17 countries, and we can only hope to achieve as much in the next five years as we have in the first five. There is still a lot of hate in the world, and we plan on continuing to spread the message anywhere and everywhere we can until all people across the world are treated equally.

# # #

Adam and Jeff, you've won my heart. Thank you for all that you do. 

Related Posts:

• My New Life as a Priest
• Moral Compass (#NOH8)
• Getting Creative for Marriage Equality
• Look Out, Kids, Disney's Gonna Make Us All Gay
• Nothing But Love Today

BlogHer14 - Pros and Cons

So if you're not a blogger, I can't say this post will hold a lot of interest for you, unless you're just completely fascinated with the inner-workings of our universe. For which I wouldn't blame you, actually.... 

But if you're not interested, might I direct you to these other amazing posts from bloggers I love:

• "I Am Not Your Fat Friend" from Skinned Knees
• The latest "Answerin' Stuff" from Shuggilippo
• "Things You Can't Do When You're not a Toddler" via How to be a Dad

You may recall I've been to BlogHer before, so I come in with a modicum of perspective. Overall, I would describe this year's conference as educational but perhaps not in the way you'd think...

 

Kara Swisher. I was previouslyonly vaguely familair wish Swisher - she is the Executive Editor of Re/Code, an outlet I've read a bit. I had no idea she was honest, witty, funny, real and all-around awesome. She interviewed Melissa Barnes, the Head of Global Brands for Twitter, and it was interesting.

In fact, most - if not all - of the keynotes were solid. One of my idols, Danah Boyd, was everything I wanted her to be. Even though I don't watch "Scandal" (I know, I know), I found Kerry Washington to be intelligent, witty, reverent and beautiful. I found new bloggers to be obsessed with in Feminista Jones and Cherylyn Harley LeBon.  And The Bloggess was, as always, hilarious, a little whacky and totally insightful.

I attended a couple workshops that I enjoyed as well. I seldom learn anything new at blog conference workshops just by virtue of having been a blogger for so damned long, but I picked up a couple good tips in a monetization workshop and really enjoyed some of Charlie Capen's insights on growing your Instagram following. I wish I'd made it to the personal blogger mini-con, which I heard was excellent, but I started to crash by then and had to nap or face falling over on my face.

It is hard to beat the "B2B" networking at BlogHer. The best part of the conference is just hanging out. Is that worth the expense? Maybe. Say what you will about other aspects of the conference -- this is the opportunity to fly into one place where you can see a myriad of bloggers you may only speak to otherwise via social media. And that's pretty exciting and a lot of fun. 

The closing party. They nailed it. McDonald's sponsored a terrific affair, with food, drink, lounge areas, tables, photo hot spots, a dance floor and an unmatched DJ by the name of Reverence Run (oh yes, the guy from RUN-DMC). When they were secretive about the location, and we heard whispers of it taking place in a parking lot, I think many attendees were apprehensive. But they nailed it. 

As awesome as the big, closing party was, I'm afraid the sponsor suite parties were as disappointing. Crammed into fairly small suites, where you basically felt like you were in someone's hotel room (not everyone decorated). I'm not sure how they could have done it better but I'm sure that they could have. So many bodies in and out of the rooms, so little A/C, so little water to give out. 

Actually, water was hard to come by all around. Which surprised me. With temperatures during the weekend being at least 95 degrees, I anticipated the A/C would be on blast and that we'd be able to find bottles of water in the Expo hall or at least for sale somewhere. But for much of the show, I was warm and thirsty. (Toward the end, I wised up and just carried a refillable cup with me -- Bailey's Creamers provided them at a couple meals and I didn't want to carry it around but then realized it was a good idea.)

As for as the Expo itself -- it was okay. It was smaller than it was the last time I attended BlogHer. There's something to be said for that, of course. It does not seem as unattainable to hit every. single. booth. at the expo but then, I also had seen the whole Expo in about three hours and then never needed to go again. Some of the booths provided truly exceptional experiences (An east coast brand, Heluva Good, had a particularly fun photo booth and tasty treats, for example; Chuck E. Cheese was giving away a prize a minute.) while some of the booths were staffed by temps who did not know how to deal with bloggers except to hand them free swag and send them on their way. (What a waste of the brand's ROI, right?)

Which brings me to the swag issue, of course. I think a lot of bloggers felt like there wasn't a lot of great swag this year. That didn't really bother me. I think the swag is nice -- everyone loves free, cool stuff -- but that is not why I personally attend these conferences so this was never a major concern for me. It was only a concern when the event itself was subpar (i.e. the sponsor suite parties) and I felt like I needed to get something out of it. 

The other thing I must say is that while the networking at BlogHer can be absolutely terrific, the cliques can be pretty "terrific," too. I'm fortunate that I know a lot of bloggers from my area and otherwise. I continued to run into friendly faces wherever I went. But there were definitely a few times I tried to approach new girls and went right back to being the unpopular girl in high school, trying to talk to the cheerleaders. And I guess when you put 1500 women in a room, that kind of behavior shouldn't surprise me, but it stll disappoints me. Because one of the best things about blogging is the community it joins you to. 

I want to be clear. Planning a conference like this is profoundly labor intensive and time consuming and exhausting. What the BlogHer organizers go through is pretty arduous and I don't envy them or believe I could do a better job. Nor do I want to appear ungrateful so I hope you all can see that I still very much enjoyed this trip. So will I go again? I don't know. I was originally going to write "no" but I've said that before about other events and gone back anyway and had twice as much fun.

It was, as I said, educational. I learned a lot, truth be told. Not in a direct way but by observation. I learned about bloggers and their behavior. About brands and how they represent themselves. About meeting people and not meeting people. I made assessments about the future of blogging; what it's arrived at, what it's going to be... More on that later. 

Should you go to BlogHer should it even happen in 2015 (many people are speculating it won't)? My advice would be  to make an honest list of why you're going and what you want to take away from it. See where they're having it and how much it costs and make the best decision that will allow you to sleep at night. 

This is what happens during panels when I have a Sharpie and fresh paper.

* * *

Last thing -- this video. This was made to celebrate ten years of BlogHer by the very talented Jessi Sanfilippo and I wanted to end with it. It's lovely.

 

Being Part of The Burrito Project

Growing up in Los Angeles and now working in the epicenter of Hollywood, it's pretty easy to forget about the world outside of our little bubble. And so it was a privilege and honor to join some co-workers recently for a night out with The Burrito Project. It really affected me and so I wanted to share it with you here. 

TBP began a few years ago as a group of friends, meeting monthly to commune with one another and share quality food with the disenfranchised people of Los Angeles. Today, it is made up of several chapters across Los Angeles, its surrounding areas, and throughout the country, which each take responsibility for meeting, purchasing, production, and the distribution of fresh burritos. Their aim is to serve as a message of hope for the homeless population that have been neglected and ignored.

Despite the reasons for these people’s displacement, The Burrito Project offers them warm food without judgment. There is no sermon or lecture but there are handshakes, hugs and stories. While they do not claim to be a solution to a big, often forgotten problem, their project is an inspiring starting point that hopefully motivates all those who come in contact with them to make a difference.

It's this simple thing we did that almost seems like nothing and it makes such a difference. You just show up, assembly line about 100 burritos and then you caravan to a location to serve them to those in need. Those people have come to expect and appreciate TBP and line up in anticipation. The burritos get handed out in no time, and before you know it, you're turning people away. 

The people who run the program rely on donations to buy the food but often buy it themselves. The kitchen we used was in a community center at a local park -- a dodgeball league rents the indoor court for practice and their rental includes the kitchen, which they don't use, so they allow TBP to utilize it. 

I was really moved spending time with this special group and I plan to go back. Whatever gifts they may share with the community during their regular meet-ups, what they shared with me was immeasurable as well. 

To learn more about The Burrito Project, please visit their website. They regularly post updates and meeting invites in their chapter Facebook groups. You can pay a visit to the chapter I met up with in West Los Angeles here.

No matter what city you may live in, it’s important to remember that valuable lesson we all learned as children: SHARING.