CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

A Short Note on Date Night

Earlier, there was this:

I have a date tonight. I hesitated to share that bu what the hell - I'll pimp for your words of encouragement. #SoNervous

— AJ (@AmandaJoy) July 5, 2013

Never mind my silly typo (always!),  I was consequently sent over some lovely tweets from some very supportive friends and fellow bloggers. Thank you to all of those kind folks. 

Isn't it interesting...

On a date night I get myself so worked up. To the point of stomach ache, even. And I worry so much about wether or not he'll like me -- and I always forget. 

I forget that I am also allowed to like or not like him. That he is also in the same position -- surely he must be worried to some degree about wether or not I like him.

It's just something we insecure gals need to remind ourselves. A lot. I am sure this is not the last time I'll do this to myself.

And all that said, I had a very nice night - good conversation and good setting. We'll see if there's a second date... But I'm so pleased I even got through it at all, I almost don't care (for now). 

A Touch of the Blues

I want you all to know I wrote the headline of this post about 19 times before I finally gave up. So that said, please just ignore whatever it's called. Know that I hate it but didn't want to title it "untitled." I just couldn't figure out how to articulate what I wanted to write about in a few words.

I was dating someone for a little while. And then I wasn't anymore.

And I'm not really writing because I got dumped - which I didn't - or because I think we made the wrong decision - we didn't. But I've found in just the last couple of days, even though we broke up a while ago, that I'm really sad about it. There's this little cliched rain cloud following me around.

It's just so foreign to me to feel this way. Do I miss him? I don't know. Do I miss the idea of him? Maybe. The truth is, we were doomed before we started and maybe I should have thrown in the towel sooner. Maybe I did the wrong thing even sooner than I realize. Maybe I should have been tougher or firmer. Or softer and more in touch with my emotions. I am going to make myself crazy thinking about this for a while, I'm sure. 

The truth is, I just handled the whole thing terribly. The start, the middle and the end. And I think, ultimately, that is what is making me sad. That's the cloud. It's the guilt and knowing that I have no one to blame but myself. When you see something coming and you let it happen anyway, isn't that the basic truth? Blame yourself? 

I have a birthday next week and it's making me sick to my stomach. The hazy loom of a day that inevitably reminds me I've aged another year without accomplishing a myriad of things I thought I'd do by now.

I'm going to read this entry back over later and hate its melodrama and consider deleting it but I promised myself I'd get back to this being a more personal blog so you're just going to have to bear with me for a moment while I get this off my chest. And I hope you understand that in doing so, I'm only trying to free myself of it and move on. Not be a martyr. 

Guest Post:Start Loving Yourself Today

It's been quite a while since I've welcome a guest post to the ol' blog but I was really taken with this pitch and the author's personality. I am posting it as she asked me to and hope you enjoy it. I absolutely LOVE some of these tips! 

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Start Loving Yourself Today

Loving yourself day in and day out can be tough at times. Sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes we get rejected and sometimes we just have days where nothing goes our way. However, learning to love ourselves is imperative to living a long, happy life and to allowing someone else to love us. Contrary to a popular Ne-Yo song, you need to love yourself, before someone can love you. Try incorporating these six tips on how to love yourself better if you've been experiencing a whole lot of self-doubt, self-hatred or negative thoughts.

Ditching the negativity--
First and foremost, nix the negative talk. You're not getting anywhere by telling yourself that you're ugly, or fat, useless, or a failure, etc. Replace those words with adjectives that you want to be able to describe yourself with. Many influential people will tell you that they weren't always as confident and strong as they are now and that they initially had to pretend just to get by. The saying, "fake it until you make it," is a great one when it comes to learning to love yourself--fake your confidence and fake that you like your body, after awhile you'll actually start to believe yourself and you'll forget that you were ever faking it to begin it. You'll never be able to allow someone to treat you right or compliment you if you can't do it yourself, so get rid of the negativity and start believing.

Picking up a new hobby--
A really great way to build your sense of self and confidence is to get in touch with your interests. You can do this by going out and picking up a new hobby or two. This will allow you to do something you love, learn something new, meet new people and experience a whole lot of health benefits. We can get so lost in our own heads sometimes that it's important that we get out there and shake things up a bit.

Celebrating yourself--
Make a list of all the things you do well. Maybe it's something like organizing your closet, changing the oil in your car, or even making presentations for work. List out everything you do well, big and small and then celebrate that fact. Keep yourself from making a list of all the things you think you do not do well and instead, try to add one new thing to your list each week. Focusing on the little things will help you appreciate who you are and recognize your talents.

Get to know yourself--
Feel confident about your body and own skin by spending more time naked. Spend some time each day being naked, whether it be to clean, cook or watch tv and then steal glances of yourself as you walk by mirrors or windows. Kick it into overdrive by also taking the time to really learn your body. Explore yourself and find out what turns you on and what makes you feel good. Don't be ashamed if you want or need a little help from Adam & Eve. Knowing what works for you and liking it is sexy and can be very empowering.

Get dressed up--
Go into your closet and drawers and find everything that doesn't make you feel good. Maybe it's a pair of pants that is far too big or even far too small? Maybe it's a shirt that brings back a bad memory? Get rid of whatever it is.These items are simply weighing you down and reminding you to feel bad about something every time you go to put on an outfit. Instead, fill your closet with outfits that make you feel confident and beautiful. Buy clothes that flatter you and make you feel sassy and watch how a simple shirt can change your entire demeanor.

Do something for someone else--
Go out of your way to help someone or to make their day. Remember that episode of Friends where Phoebe tries to come up with one selfless good deed? She racks her brain just trying to come up with one and keeps finding that every good deed she could think of would ultimately make the do gooder feel good about themselves. Helping others can make you appreciate what you have/who you are and also make you feel good for making someone's day. So hit up a homeless shelter, nursing home or hospital the next time you feel like you're in a slump.

Remember that loving yourself is something you have to work on every day. Some days it will be easy and some days it will be the hardest thing you do, but that doesn't mean give up. Just start fresh every day and you will find that in time and in practice, you will love yourself more.

Online Dating, Social Media and a Big Bag of Crazy

Perhaps you can recall some of my more hilarious online dating woes. I mean, when I think about the parade of total lunatics I've encountered -- Goldfish Josh, the IHOP Cop, Mr. "I'm not gay, I swear," The Babymaker and "Extra Butter" Guy, among others -- it's a wonder I've not yet converted and joined up with a conclave of nuns. 

I'm on board with their outfits. I dig black minimalist fashion.

In any case, Tuesday night's Social Media Club LA panel focusing on online dating and social media was of particular interest to me. Actually, I was sorta skeptical at first. I don't know... social media and online dating? How is that relevant exactly? And I'm dating someone, so did I need to be at this panel? 

Regardless, I missed some faces and I went. And I was glad. It was a great panel. And you know I'd be the first one to say if it wasn't. You guys, it was great. Because as it turns out, about 99% of the rules you should apply to online dating strategy can be applied to social media... and LIFE. No joke. Check this out...

Our panelists were Julie Spira, Jennifer Kelton and Scott Lewallen, who had great chemistry as a trio.  Our moderator, Debra Ecklerling -- spot on as always.

From left to right - Moderator Deb Eckerling, Julie Spira of Cyber Dating Expert, Scott Lewallen of Grindr and Jennifer Kelton of Bad Online Dates

And here were the key takeaways for me:

• Originally, Scott Lewallen and his co-founder scribbled the idea for creating Grindr on a napkin. I do shit like this all the time so I can only conclude the million-dollar idea is out there... Point is, though, you never know! 
• Be authentic, genuine and find a unique voice. About online dating or life? I think both.
• "People love instant gratification, but community building in social media takes time," said Julie Spira. Good things come to those who wait! Lord knows I love instant gratification.
• "Put your best foot forward in online dating, just like when you go to a cocktail party. Cultivate those relationships," said Scott. Look good, feel good, know your shit, right? The panel went on to talk about nourishing your relationships. I think there was a garden metaphor. 
• Is an emotional approach better than a statistical one? I think anything is better when there's some passion behind it. Connecting is what it's all about, right? Ask a successful career gal like me if she ever got anyhere without passion...
• Proofread, be timely and relevant, put out quality information. Well.... YEAH. (Says the girl who always has to proofread her blogs 85 timses.)
• Get back to people. Which is one of my pet peeves. We're human beings. We love closure.
• Cut the bullshit. Know your goal. Eyes on the horizon. (Maybe athletes pool their motives from online dating, too?)
• Don't burn bridges. Be kind. I think I say this to the teens I volunteer with once a month. ALWAYS try to be kind to others. I always liked it put like this - and I'm paraphrasing: You never know if the face you punch today will be connected to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.
• Don't stalk. (I'm going to ignore this advice. Just owning that right now.)
• Get input from trusted sources. (Hence I seldom go shopping alone.)
• Know yourself. Find your voice. Know who you are. You gain nothing by lying to yourself, right?

Again, I say: GREAT event. Thoroughly enjoyed. And while I wish there'd been a bigger turnout, I kinda feel like the vibe of the room was born out of intimacy anyway -- it was all for the best. And hopefully people will read this entry and kick their own asses for not coming. I mean, we talked about REVENGE PORN, guys. You totally missed out.

The Things We Do

We wait by the phone.

We pick up the cell phone to make sure the volume is turned up or to be sure we did not miss a text message.

We shave our legs. You know, just in case.

We swear this time, it's going to be different.

We do ridiculous things like watch movies we've seen a hundred times and play Spider Solitaire to distract ourselves.

"I will not text him, I will not call him, I will not e-mail him...."

We get our hearts broken. We feel sad.

We try again.

Any Takers?

Um, yeah... I'm gonna let this one speak for itself. But just to be clear (and because my mother ocassionally reads my blog), I did NOT respond to this guy:

 

The Baby-Making Madness ACTUALLY Continues (And it really, really shouldn't)

In reference to my post earlier today... Well, I'm afraid he turned up. With text messages.

As I no longer feel ANY inclination to give him privacy, I'm sharing:

 

Him: Hi. 

Minutes later...

Him: Hello?

Again, minutes later...

Him: You are quiet today. 

Him: Silly. 

 

SILLY?! Oh, HELL NO.... 

 

Me: No, I am not being silly. We are not meant to be, ok? Best of luck to you. Bye. 

Him: So silly! 

Me: I'm not kidding. Leave me alone. Go away. Don't ever contact me again.

 

I don't think I could have said it another way. Here's hoping he takes the hint...

Silly my ass. 

"No, I will not have your babies, but thanks for asking."

Yes, you read that title right. 

In a shocking new development, I have joined a couple of dating sites. 

And out of misplaced respect for the latest CREEP to trample on my heart, I will spare you some of the more inane details. 

But here's the gist of it:

A guy I went out with ONCE, who sent me some of the nicest e-mails, proceeded to tell me I should get pregnant. With his progeny. Like NOW. 

I'm gonna let that sink in for a sec...

 

 

I KNOW! I was stunned, too!

 

 

Seriously, the guy wants to know if I'm on the pill, AND, if not, tells me I should STAY OFF OF IT. Apparently homeboy wants to be a daddy. Like precisely NOW. And I guess I was the lucky girl chosen to grant him this wish. 

I feel slightly like a host body. (Yeah, yeah, I watch too much Star Trek. "The Host" was an excellent episode. Shut up.)

Among a vast myriad of reasons why I will not be having his babies, CHIEF AMONG THEM are:

• ONE DATE. 
• I do not even know where he works.
• He has not even told me his last name. (Although, to be honest, I did Facebook stalk him and find it.)
• He couldn't even tell you MY last name or, I imagine, what frickin' color my eyes are. 
• We kind of skipped over the whole FALLING IN LOVE part.
• ONE DATE. 

Do I really need to go on?

Readers, I am trying to keep an open mind and shift my standards as I venture out into the dating world yet again, but I think I'm being MORE THAN FAIR in saying this guy is a GRADE-A, CERTIFIABLE, DERANGED LOON. 

B'bye, Spawn-hunter-boy. It was (sort of) fun while it lasted. 

I wish you and your future, probably-equally-crazy, baby-mama a happy and healthy something-or-another.