CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Let's Go To The Movies (1.36 Billion Other People Are Doing it!)

As I am always on the look out for the latest and greatest online communities and have yet to find one that has really built itself up around the film indsutry well, I was intrigued by MovieLaLa and will be curious to see how it develops.

In celebration of its launch, they shared this infographic with me and since it's Oscar week, it seemed like a fun time to share it with you! I love the Oscars and can't wait to watch! (Idina Menzel is performing "Let it Go" from Frozen and in case you hadn't heard, I kind of like that movie.) 

Look Out Kids: Disney's Gonna Make Us All Gay (Supposedly)

Steps up to mic, takes a swig of vodka... 

This thing on?

Yesterday, Melissa Dell sent me this article (not because she supported it -- because she knew I'd appreciate how completely insane it is). And while I hate to give this woman any site traffic by linking to it, I'd hate even more to copy and paste the entire diatribe because it turns my stomach.

That said, I'll quote you some of it in case you want to spare your precious eyes from its offensiveness. 

"The gay agenda to normalize homosexuality is woven into Disney's movie Frozen not just as an underlying message - it is the movie. In a liberal culture tenacious at normalizing immorality, stripping those of faith from their ability to speak out in opposition, this needs to be taken seriously..."

Right away I'm turned off because she's clearly using big words in effort to sound deep or more knowledgeable so let's put her ridiculous conspiracy theory aside for a second and just address right up front that she's a terrible writer. 

"However, as light and dark, or fear and faith cannot exist in the same space, good and evil do, here in mortality. Therefore, we must be wise - especially parents. When good is used to advance evil, we must reject it and state why, if we desire to be light."

I'm sorry, what? I don't know about you guys but I have fears and faith, hope and worry, good and evil... I mean, these things all exist in one place. Isn't that the very essence of humanity? And if good is used to advance evil... is it still good? In other words, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?!

"If you feel you've been duped by the surface story of the movie Frozen, try not to feel too bad..."

Um..... 

"The way in which Frozen wraps up the false doctrine perpetuated throughout the film, is as skillfully done as I have ever seen it, which makes calling it out and not being labeled crazy difficult..."

Yeah, those crafty little homos at Disney, man. They sure know how to weave the gay agenda into an animated feature. She goes onto say how she's also seen Frozen three times. Not because she wanted to, though. Because she promised three sets of grandchildren she would take them to see it. I don't even know how she's even living with herself now that she has all these gay grandchildren. 

"Let me be very clear about one thing, I am not anti-gay nor am I here to judge homosexuals not worthy of their rightful and respectful place among society."

No, no, of course not.

She goes on to summarize the movie (so, you know, SPOILER ALERT!) and point out every moment that is laden with this supposed homosexual/ liberal media agenda (I swear Sarah Palin's ghost wrote some of her post). For example, when Queen Elsa rejects Anna's desire to marry Prince Hans, it is totally because heterosexuals do not value the sanctity of traditional marriage, not because, as she says in the movie, Anna just met Hans about four hours prior. 

As the sisters begin to argue and their discussion comes to its boiling point, Elsa lashes out, unable to conceal her power anymore, causing her to panic and flea from the palace. The blogger points out that this is a clear symbol of a woman with a homosexual agenda trapped and constrained by the power she has, her homosexuality, considering herself "frozen" in her forced hetero life. 

Well, you know what happens next. She sings "Let it go," the biggest gayest coming out song ever. 

Or, you know, maybe it's just a song about overcoming fear and trying to find yourself - whatever kind of person you are, straight, gay, liberal or conservative. 

And here is what it all boils down to, you guys. Disney's Frozen is loosely based on a Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale called "The Snow Queen" that was written in 1845. It is the story of a little boy and a little girl who encounter a powerful snow queen. It's a classic "good versus evil" story written by a guy who was born in 1805 and, I'm pretty sure, didn't even know what a "gay agenda" was or is. Of course, the story was obviously altered and adapted for this film. And while I can't say for certain why, my guess is that it has nothing to do with a secret, liberal gay agenda. It has to do with the fact that Disney is a money-making-machine and little girls like to buy frilly dresses, plastic tiaras and imagine their best friend is a hilarious talking snowman. And that women my age still dream about meeting Mr. Right, getting along with their family and friends, signing like Idina Menzel...  and that their best friend is a hilarious talking snowman.

So in closing, my advice to this blogger is... LET IT GO. 

 

Crap. I totally wanna go make out with a girl now. 

If anyone needs me, I'll be watching The Lion King. Or, as I now call it, Pumba and Timon: Gay in the Jungle. If anyone wants to join me later, I'll follow with a screening that lesbian flick Mulan, with a lovely charcuterie for sharesies. 

Lessons From Disney's Frozen

Confession: I've seen Disney's Frozen six times. 

First, in the theater. Then I got my hands on a link to watch it online. I did so four times. Sitting still and glued to the screen every time. And then last night I went to see it in the theater again -- a sing along event at Hollywood's Disney-owned El Capitan Theater. It took me a little while to warm up to it but eventually I was singing every note at the top of my lungs. I was even reciting some of the lines.

At the biggest moments, they actually made it snow in the theater. It was pretty magical.

It's not unusual for me to see a theatrical release more than once. I saw The Avengers four times. I saw Thor and The Dark Knight Rises a few times (clearly I have an affinity for super hero flicks). But this film and its soundtrack have claimed a special place in my heart. 

So has Olaf, by the way, a charcter in the film. He likes warm hugs and so do I, so we already have that in common. 

I'll spare you the tedium of a film summary and casting recap (although it would be a disservice not to mention that Kristin Bell and Idina Menzel kick some major tail as sisters Anna and Elsa), but let me just share with you some key take-aways from the movie. And be warned - mild spoilers ahead.

• There is nothing wrong with childlike giggles, imagination and fantasy. Even when you're over 20 or 30. 

• Sometimes a Prince can be a real asshole. And sometimes an asshole can turn out to be a Prince. 

• Sisters (or siblings if you want) are forever. Who says "true love" isn't something best gifted to a family member? Who says your best friend can't be your soulmate?

• Get out of bed, sleepyhead. Make today an adventure.

• Who runs the world? Girls.

• Sing it loud, sing it proud. Let it go.

 

If you haven't seen this movie yet, I really don't know what youre waiting for. 

And if you're still not convinced, or if you are as addicted as I am and want to read more, I'm in love with Girl's Gone Child's post about it, too. 

Let's Ruin It With Babies

Do I ever post movie announcement? No. Did I love this movie's title and filmmaker so much I broke my own rule? Absolutely.

**Plays "It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want to," continues typing**

Well, if the title didn't grab you all on it's own, let me tell you about the film Let's Ruin it With Babies.

LRIWB is a drama/comedy from first time feature film director, Kestrin Pantera. Does her name sound familiar? It could be because you've been to SXSW or Comic Con and attended one of her legendary mobile karaoke parties. They're rather infamous and a helluva good time. (I mean, I wouldn't want to end my karaoke party life by having babies -- would you? That's crazy talk.)

 

But no one ever claimed Pantera was sane... Case and point, she ambitiously wrote, directed, and stars in the film based on her own life -- about a woman who has it all; a beautiful home, a rock star lifestyle, and a loving husband intent on ruining it all by knocking her up. 

 

You might say Pantera channeled her own breeding doubts into making this flick. When her husband started to drop hints about wanting a family, she asked for an extension so she could make this film and have her last hurrah. Until life immitated art; halfway through production, she realized she was knocked up for reals. 

 

Later, Pantera's first action as a new mom would be to sign a film distribution deal with Devolver Digital. Sweet, sweet victory. Not a bad way to bring new life into the world! It'll be a fun tale to tell the kid someday... What a fabulous story, right? Both real and on screen. I love it all. And I cannot wait to see the movie. 

 

 

 

Who's coming with me?

 

To enjoy Let's Ruin it With Babies...

• Arena Theater, Hollywood - beginning 1/31 (one-week run)
• Roxie Theater, San Franciso (Indie Film Fest) - 7pm on 2/8 and 2/10
• New Parkway Theater, Oakland - 7pm on 2/17

More screening details can be found here. FYI, it's also only $4.99 to watch it online right now.

 

I also highly recommend following Pantera on Twitter -- she's awesome.

 

Sorry Buzzfeed, Die Hard is TOTALLY a Christmas Movie!

The world is upside down and inside out -- say it ain't so!

Buzzfeed has demanded: "Stop Saying 'Die Hard' is a Christmas Movies!" 

Well, first of all, the grammar police are on the line and they've asked me to remind you that film titles are italicized, not put in quotation marks. But be that as it may, I completely disagree with them. Die Hard (see? Italics.) is totally a Christmas movie. 

For starters, it takes place on Christmas Eve at a friggin' Christmas party! The party attendees are taken hostage by German Professor Snape (Apologies to Alan Rickman, it's just how I roll) but they have nothing to fear because NYPD Officer John McClane has just arrived to town in order to try and reconcile with his estranged wife - who is at said party. 

Amid the lights and tinsel and egg nog, innocent business colleagues and friends are battling for their lives. And - SPOILER! - in the end, McClane saves the day, wins his wife back, and at last meets his new LAPD bestie in person, the dad from "Family Matters."

True meaning of Christmas! BAM! Triumph? Love conquering all? Friendship? Loyalty? Kicking German ass? My god, people - if that's not Christmas, what is?! 

 

P.S. Die Hard 2? Also a totally viable Christmas movie. 

Now wait - cause I also must confess to you that while I LOVE Die Hard and some of its offspring (I'm still in denial the most recent sequel ever happened - what was that horrible thing?), this is not even my favorite Christmas flick. I mean, I love Die Hard and Christmas isn't complete to me without it, but the honor really belongs to The Ref. (I also love Home for the Holidays but it's really more of a Thanksgiving movie.) And Scrooged. I cannot get enough of it this time of year. The list goes on. Elf, Love Actually...

In truth, I love a lot of Christmas movies. I really do. Take a look below - is your favorite there? Which one is it? Which one did I leave out? (Forgive me for leaving out some super obvious ones like It's a Wonderful Life. I had to make hard choices!)

"I Hate Shopping for Jeans"

 

This commercial asks, "Why do we let the size of our jeans measure our worth?"

It's a really terrific question. Because aren't we all guilty of that in some form or another? Maybe not jeans - maybe bra size or dress size. Somethine else. But when this commercial starts with "I hate shopping for jeans," I'm right there. I find it as heartbreaking and depressing as the narrative goes onto describe. 

But what if jeans sizes were:

RADIANT.

CONFIDENT.

STRONG. 

A couple months ago, Special K (yep, the cereal brand) opened a pop-up jeans store to let women rethink how they feel about themselves -- and in their jeans. Getting rid of the size; the number. It's not about that in the end anyway, right? It's about how the jeans make you feel: confident, sassy, sexy, fierce. If they make you feel like shit the second you see the size on the label, why even put them on? Who wants to wear depression? Does that make you feel good about yourself? About how you look? 

"To feel amazing? I think that's what makes a woman feel beautiful."

I love that my mom showed this to me and told me to blog about it. I love all of this. I think the world would benefit from "size confident," "size strong" and "size radiant." 

In Which the X-Men Days of Future Past Trailer Comes Out and I Explode

My grandpa bought me a DVD player for Hanukkah in the year 2000.

The first DVD I ever bought was X-Men. (I also bought Sneakers from a bargain bin -- I effing love that movie.)

You may not know this about me but I've read a lot of X-Men comic books and variations thereof. Origins, Uncanny, Adventures of, Ultimate.... There's a ton of them. A ton.

Anyway, point is, I love the series a LOT. 

And I love this trailer a LOT.

 

Also, whichever genius made this trailer did a smart thing using the "Adagio in D Minor" by John Muprhy, one of my favorite pieces of film music (it was originally composed for an underrated film called Sunshine with Chris Evans but you might also recognize it from Murphy's Kick-Ass score, among other places it's made appearances).

Anyway, this is not an entertainment blog but it's certainly a ME blog and dammmit, I'm EXCITED.

Chris Lam, get ready for some Michael-Fassbender-in-latex action.

This Comic Con cast photo is awesome - especially because Peter Dinklage is a midget but not so short that they still put Anna Paquin and Ellen Page on crates.

 

Love That Vudu That You Do

As more and more of my entertainment/media comes via online streaming or download, I thought this was cool and wanted to share. Also, it scores me some eye candy and you all know my chief motivation in all things lately are hot guys. 

Hence this guy is now a part of my digital movie library.

Oh hello, Harry. You sexy southern devil. 

But moving on... 

Walmart’s video on demand service, VUDU (which I totally did not know was owned by Walmart, by the way)  just launched a new Starter Pack promotion where new users can get access to five HDX 1080p (that means it's a really great, high-res. format) movies when they sign up ­for an account.  

I was skeptical but tempted so I signed up and scoped it out. The five movies you download must come out of select group, but the choices are still pretty diverse and top quality. And they don't expire -- you can download them and keep them. 

And if you're a child of the 80s like me and remember Columbia House and BMG CD promotions, this may sound familiar. After you pick your first five films, users can pick-up a "booster pack" and get three additional HDX movies for just $15. 

But you don't have to. So basically, you can sign up and get five free movies and walk away. Although $5/movie is a good deal.

Also, this may be a caveat -- you do have to put your credit card info. in to start an account. BUT! They only bill you when you buy things. No monthly fees or anything. So if you're comfortable doing that, and you like movies, and puppies (because you should), check it out. 

So I totally did it and ended up with three movies I've seen (Hope Floats, which I have this weird soft spot for because of Sexy McSwoony Jr. up there, and others) and two I have never seen - GI Joe, and Punch Drunk Love. May as well use it to see some new stuff, right?

And you know what else I thought was cool -- Vudu will convert your DVDs to digital for you. Not only that, they'll upgrade to HDX. Pricing is $2 or $5. But the first one is free.

So there you have it. Yeah. I'm geeking out a bit. I'm excited to play with this thing. I love new toys. 

Let me know if you give it a shot!

Disclosure: I received nothing at all for this post. Well, except for free movies. Which you can all get. So really nothing. I just like to give my readers stuff. I'm a giver. You're welcome.