CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Quote of the Day

I thought this was lovely. Think about it. 

Quotes of the Year 2016

Big list this year! And what a year it was...

Last year, this post opened with: "This list will absolutely not include anything uttered by Donald Trump."  I think back to that time, a time when some of us did not yet understand what was about to happen; when some believed wholeheartedly that he could never win a Presidential election... Those were the good times, America. 

Yet still, in this year's look back at the best quips and sound bytes, I will keep to that deal. This list will absolutely not include anything uttered by Donald Trump. (I can't say some of the quotes won't be about him, though.) 

In no particular order... 

"Anthony Michael Hall is facing 7 years in prison for assaulting his neighbor. If you don't think 2016 is the weirdest, I don't what to say." -Jensen Karp

"America! WHAT THE HELL???" -UK Talk Show Host, Graham Norton

“We aren’t born woke. Something wakes us up.” -Activist DeRay Mckesson

The Daily Show with Trevor Noah
Get More: The Daily Show Full Episodes,The Daily Show on Facebook,The Daily Show Video Archive

 

"Jesus fucking Christ, Donald Trump. You are the president-elect. Pick your fucking battles, man. You're embarrassing yourself." -Activist Danielle Muscato

"Here's The Deal, I Am Chris Pratt." -Jaden Smith

"Mark Zuckerberg I know it’s your bday but can you please call me by 2mrw…" -Kanye West

"I am not the only athlete up here. As you all know, earlier this year, Ann Coulter won the Kentucky Derby." -Peyton Manning at the Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe

"Oooooober." -Kurt in "Gilmore Girls, A Year in the Life"

"It's always going to be about the weight for me, Toby. It's been my story ever since I was a little girl. And every moment that I'm not thinking about it, I'm thinking about it. Like will this chair hold me, will this dress fit me. And if I ever get pregnant, will anyone ever notice? It's just at the core of who I am, it's just deep inside, and eight tequila shots can only mask that for a couple hours." -Kate on NBC's "This is Us"

"So what if I like drawing little hearts around Hugh Jackman's name? I can't be gangsta every second of the day." -Ryan Reynolds

“If Michael Jackson did the moonwalk for the first time now, and it debuted on Twitter, the third comment would probably be: ‘He’s just walking backwards.’ That’s why there’s no real rock stars anymore. Everything’s immediately diminished.” -Matt Healy of The 1975

"Always keep something just for yourself." -Dolly Parton

"What if immaterial tabloid stories, judgments and misconceptions remained confined to the candy jar of low-brow entertainment and were replaced in mainstream media by far more important, necessary conversations?" -Renee Zellweger

“And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside.” -Lin Manuel Miranda 

Wait til these #DumpStarWars people find out about Indiana Jones. pic.twitter.com/bLr34E5PU7

— Patrick Shirley (@1PatrickShirley) December 9, 2016

“Have you even read the United States Constitution? … You have sacrificed nothing and no one.” -Khizr Khan

"Vine is dead." -Wired Magazine

"How VIP do we gotta get?" -Paul McCartney (after being turned away from a VIP Grammy After-Party)

“I’ve always called [David Bowie] the Picasso of rock’n’roll, because I know that if I showed him anything—like a grapefruit—he would see the grapefruit that I see and then he’d see the grapefruit that he sees, and they would be two different things. He would have to explain to me his vision of the grapefruit.” -Nile Rodgers

 

“It’s important to treat everybody the same, even when you're having a bad time. Don’t talk to anyone like they’re lower than you, because you never know when you need help. You don't have to be an asshole.” -Anderson Paak

 

"For the first time since 1908, the Cubs are World Series champions. Believe it." -MLB.com

"I'M DAVID PUMPKINS!" -Tom Hanks, SNL

"You voice does count and it can change the world." -Lee Daniels

"Emma Watson wrote a note urging Americans to vote. She didn't spend her childhood fighting a dark lord so we could elect one." -Stephen Colbert

"He said if you wallow in suffering it wins... if you use it, humanity wins... His first thought was never for himself, or to tell you how he was feeling, it was always: what is going on in your life? And he really meant it. It wasn’t perfunctory. His kindness was never for show, it was who he was." -Menachem Z. Rosensaft, Founding Chairman of the International Network of Children of Jewish Survivors on the late Elie Wiesel

"That is what Barack and I think about every day as we try to guide and protect our girls through the challenges of this unusual life in the spotlight — how we urge them to ignore those who question their father's citizenship or faith. How we insist that the hateful language they hear from public figures on TV does not represent the true spirit of this country. How we explain that when someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don't stoop to their level — no, our motto is, when they go low, we go high." -Michelle Obama

"I'm not the next Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps. I'm the first Simone Biles." -Simone Biles

"To all of the little girls who are watching this, never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue and achieve your own dreams." -Hillary Clinton

"How dare anyone question a woman’s ability? Every person on this planet was brought into this world by a woman." -Pharrell Williams

 

Quote of the Day

Quotes of the Year 2015

This list will absolutely not include anything uttered by Donald Trump.

Today is a big step in our march toward equality. Gay and lesbian couples now have the right to marry, just like anyone else. #LoveWins

— President Obama (@POTUS) June 26, 2015

"In the end, we should not define each other by our sexuality. We should define each other by our capacity to love. Because love trumps everything, don’t you think?" -Beau Bridges

"It’s about ideas, bro. New ideas. People with ideas. People who believe in truth. And yes, as you probably could have guessed by this moment, I have decided in 2020 to run for president.” -Kanye West

"Well folks, we’ve finally come to the end of The Colbert Report. Nine great years. That was fun. That’s the show. From eternity, I’m Stephen Colbert." -Stephen Colbert

"Rather than saying 'good-bye' or 'goodnight,' I'm just gonna say 'I'm gonna go get a drink." -Jon Stewart

"A lot of people lamented the death of the water cooler moment, which I think died long before 'House of Cards' anyway, but now we have something that's much cooler than the water cooler. We have the Internet. So you can have conversations, not just with your coworkers or your family, but with people around the globe about an episode or a series or a season." -Beau Willimon

A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP

— Leonard Nimoy (@TheRealNimoy) February 23, 2015

 

“I've never felt lonely since I got a dog.” -Deerhunter's Bradford Cox

"What, like with a cloth or something?...I don't know how it works digitally at all." -Hillary Clinton responding to a question about whether she "wiped" her personal email server before turning it over to authorities

“The American people are sick and tired of hearing about your damn emails.” -Bernie Sanders to Hillary Clinton

"I, for one, don't think Planned Parenthood ought to get a penny... because they're not actually doing women's health issues." -Jeb Bush

"Given this perfect storm of human error, mistakes and communications by all involved that day, the evidence did not indicate criminal conduct by police," -Cleveland Prosecutor Tim McGinty on Timothy Loehmann, an officer-in-training who shot 12-year-old Tamir Rice

.@diegtristan8 "she is built like a man". Yeah, my husband looks just like this in a dress. You're an idiot. pic.twitter.com/BCvT10MYkI

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) July 11, 2015

"From this day on, the world will be divided into two people. Blue & black, or white & gold." -Ellen Degeneres

"If that's not White and Gold the universe is falling apart. Seriously what is happening?" -Anna Kendrick

"What was the last thing you stuck your finger in?" -Steve Harvey on "Family Feud" / "My wife, Steve." -The Contestant

"George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer, who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria, and was selected for a three person UN commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza Strip. So tonight her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award." -Tina Fey

Cool clock, Ahmed. Want to bring it to the White House? We should inspire more kids like you to like science. It's what makes America great.

— President Obama (@POTUS) September 16, 2015

"Music has always been a religion for me and for Jesse too, so this is our way to heal and move on or at least move forward.” -Josh Homme, Eagles of Death Metal

"What the hell did I do? Killed them all, of course." -Robert Durst

"Goodbye, Port Charles. Good luck to you." -Luke (Anthony Geary), "General Hospital"

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

I saw my friend Stevie tweet this yesterday. I loved it so.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

I was bitching about some unfortunate online dating come-ons sent my way this last week and a friend recited this quote to me. I smiled and imagined a turtle...